Celebrating "Eves"

Happy NeW  yEaR’s EvE!! 

I’ve always enjoyed celebrating New Year’s Eve but mainly just because I like any excuse to celebrate anything.  J  BUT this New Year’s Eve seems to have a more exciting feel to it.  The EVE before a NEW YEAR!!  A NEW Year = new hope, new strength and renewed faith!   And we all know what we HOPE this brand spankin’ new year holds for us!!!!!!  J  OUR CHILD/REN!!!!!!!!  Please Lord!!!!  Hopefully by this time next year we’ll be celebrating quietly at home making sure that our child/ren gets in bed at a reasonable hour.  J

Speaking of Eves- - let me tell you about this past Christmas Eve.  We received lots of nice gifts but one extra special gift from my parents.  They gave us a children’s book entitled, “God Found Us You” by Lisa Tawn Bergren and Laura J. Bryant.  (We can’t wait to read this precious book to our child/ren!!)  It is a story of a baby fox that was adopted.  After we opened this present from my parents, they asked that everyone get quiet so we could read it aloud.  J

Here’s a brief summary of the book:

(It begins with Little Fox asking his Mama Fox to tell him again about the day that he came home.  Her response is this….)

“…For so long I dreamed of you,” she said, snuggling closer. 

“Bout me?” 

“About you.  I dreamed of how you would look, smell, even what you would sound like.  And every day I thought of how wonderful it would be to hold you in my arms.  I started seeing you everywhere.  In the leaves of the giant oak and in the bark of the pine.  Even in the stars!  Oh, how I longed for the day that you would arrive.  When God would find us you.”

(Mama Fox goes on to tell little fox about how she waited and waited and waited for him to come home to her.  The illustrations show her waiting through all four seasons.  They even talk about how his mother that had him must be as beautiful as he is handsome, loves him and prayed that he would be safe with a forever family.  It’s beautiful throughout the entire story.  And I love the ending….)

“Mama Fox tucked Little Fox into bed and he giggled through her last kisses.  They said their prayers and whispered, “Nighty night” just like they always did.  Little Fox was glad that he had a cozy home and good food and a mama who loved him very, very much.  And he went to sleep dreaming about the day he came to the big woods…

And first smelled his mama…

And knew he was loved…

And finally was home.

“When God found us you,” Mama Fox whispered in his dreams, “you made me the happiest mama in the world.”

After reading this story aloud with my family, there was not a dry eye in the house.  We are so thankful and blessed to be surrounded by family (and friends) that are praying our baby home.  It also comforts us knowing (and seeing) that the people closest to us are literally aching with us for our child to come home.  Oh how our child is incredibly loved already.  J

  This little book will always be a beautiful reminder of that special day.  J

There’s just something special about celebrating “Eves”.  Christmas EVE rocked my socks off and today is New Year’s EVE and it has an exciting/hopeful feel to it……. 

The definition of eve is:  the evening or day before a special day. 

I can’t imagine a more special day than the day that we bring our child/ren home!!

May that special “eve” come soon.  J

“Faith in God includes faith in His timing.” ~Neel A. Maxwell

GUESS WHAT?!?!

OUR HOME VISIT IS SCHEDULED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our case worker called this morning at 11:20am.  I missed her call (!! Gasp !!) and she left a message.  I called her back at 11:42am and she didn’t answer (!! Gasp !!) but I left her a message.  She called me back at 12:02pm and I ANSWERED! J  I just know that she could sense the excitement in every word I spoke.  Even when I answered, “Hello?!?!”  I feel like she snickered a little.  Haha!  Also, I did not hold back in letting her know how wOnDeRfUl it was to hear from her!!  J 

She suggested that we schedule our home visit for sometime in January.  (I was thinking- - please let it be the first week, please let it be the first week).  She asked if there were certain days or times that were better for us and I quickly replied- - “ANY day or time!  We’ll make it work!!!!”

So, folks, our home visit is scheduled for Thursday, January 5, 2012 at 8am!!!!!!! J  YAYYYY!!!!!!!!!

Words can’t describe what a relief it is to have this scheduled.  Now I can regain that pep in my step and get this house ready!! J  With it being the first week of January, do you think we could leave our Christmas stuff up?!  At first I was thinking that leaving them up would make the house feel  more welcoming and warm.  I still think that, but I’m also thinking about what a process it is to take everything down.  It would add so many more steps to the “getting the house ready” process.  Hmmmm…????  I can’t decide. 

Either way- - we are so EXCITED!!!!  It felt like we had this little dark cloud hovering over us, not knowing when we could complete this next big step in getting closer to our child. 

“A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.”  Proverbs 15:13 NIV

I felt like my spirit was being crushed…. BUT!!  That dark cloud that was hovering over us and breaking our hearts has been lifted and we are MOVING forward again!  J  Oh- and I’m off work ALL next week!!  How perfect!!  I can’t wait to start cleaning!!  (Cue “Happy Little Working Song” from Enchanted)  haha!  “You can do a lot when you’ve got such a happy working tune to hum….” 

Thanks for your prayers and encouragement!!  We love y’all and pray you’ll be filled with joy and have a very Merry Christmas!!!!

“I pray that the God who gives hope will fill you with much joy and peace while you trust in him. Then your hope will overflow by the power of the Holy Spirit.”  Romans 15:13 NCV

Slowly but surely

(Update:  I couldn’t take the suspense anymore so I emailed our adoption agency on December 7 to see if they thought there was a possibility that we could have our interviews and home visit this month.  I got a response on December 9 that they hope to have our interviews and visits SCHEDULED by the end of this week.  Not exactly an answer to my question….. but we’ll be super happy to have dates on our calendar.)  J

Every day I dream of becoming a mommy.  I cannot wait for everything that comes with it.  The feedings, diaper changes, games, hugs, kisses, baths, naps, cries, screams, surprises, etc.  For me- - not being a mother is downright painful.  I find my joy in anticipating what I know is to come.  I know we WILL be parents, although I don’t know when. 

But I’ve had a couple of pretty sad days lately.  We started trying to conceive December 2009.  So this is technically the third Christmas that we’ve wanted children but haven’t had them.  L  Children are always a blessing but wow- - how precious are they around Christmastime?!  Their wonderment is breathtaking to me.  The joy that they have in their eyes and the wonderful opportunity to magnify the glory of Jesus through such an exciting season is incredible!  I can’t wait to have children to experience this with them!!

As cheesy as this sounds, when Erik first asked what I wanted for Christmas, I couldn’t think of anything other than “to be a mom”.  It’s all I think about.  Of course he kept asking and I gave answers like- - towels for the baby’s bathroom, paint for the baby’s room, etc.  We agreed that these are things that we’ll shop for during our official “wait time”.  (Our agency has advised that we do things to control the wait as opposed to the wait controlling us.)

Erik took me Christmas shopping this afternoon.  Don’t get me wrong- - of course I ended up finding some things I like (perfume, jewelry, clothes) but what do you know…. KIDS are everywhere!  AND kids stores!!  I am SO ready to be shopping for our children!!  Enough already with this self-indulging lifestyle!!  (Okay- - maybe I’m being dramatic.)  But I am ready to start shopping for baby clothes and toys!  J   

Erik is wonderful at reminding me to just savor every moment of our lives.  Right now- - it is as God wants it.  It’s the two of us.  We are continuing to grow closer and are falling more in love with each other daily.  J  Even though I have sad days, I’m so very thankful for a husband that is understanding, empathetic and compassionate.  He always knows the right things to say….. or not say.  J  Even after we talk forever about how I’m sad, he’ll stop reading, watching TV or whatever he’s doing.  He says he doesn’t feel right doing anything when I’m sad.  Bless him.  I tell him that there’s no need for him to just sit and be sad with me….. but he insists.  Precious.

So some days are sad but God’s blessed us and continues to bless us.  We know we’re moving towards our children.  We’ll get to them.  Slowly but surely.  J 

"Be joyful because you have hope.  Be patient when trouble comes, and pray at all times."  Romans 12:12 NCV

Moving on!

Good news:  On December 1 our adoption agency received our Psychological Reports!!!!  Woo Hoo!!!!!  Those were the last documents they needed to “officially” move us to the next step of the process!!  J

So technically we’ve moved out of the “paperwork step" and now we’re in the “interviews/home visit step!!"  Once THIS step is completed we can be on the WAITING LIST for our BABY/BABIES!!!! J J J J

We’re eagerly awaiting our caseworker to call us so we can get our interviews and home visit scheduled!!!!  EEKK!!!!  I hope, I hope, I hope we can have our home visit this month while all of our Christmas decorations are up!  Wouldn’t that feel so nice and cozy?! J  I’m not sure it can be scheduled that quickly but I HOPE so! J

(Oh- by the way- - we received copies of our Psychological Reports too!  Thankfully we’re not crazy.  Haha!  Mr. Psychologist gave us a great recommendation and basically deemed us “psychologically healthy” and stated that we will “provide a loving and supportive home to a child through adoption.”  J  YAYYYYYY!!!!)

I’m trying to just B R E A T H E and not be so anxious about our interviews and home visit.  A sweet lady from our adoption agency reminded me- -

“Don’t worry.  God is not going to let anyone else have your baby.”  

J  What a sweet AND true statement!  Everything is taking as long as it’s SUPPOSED to take.  (*breathe in….*breathe out….)  God’s hand is all over this, I know.

I normally have lots of energy but lately I’ve been over the top.  I just feel so excited!  For starters, I’ve completely organized each room of our house including cabinets and closets, have us on a cleaning schedule that’s displayed on our refrigerator, decorated for Christmas of course, purchased EVERYONE’S Christmas gifts (except Erik’s) and wrapped them all.  If any little thing is out of place (cup, keys, etc) I quickly put it in its place.  It’s as if I’m expecting the caseworker to “pop in” unannounced! Haha!   I’m wild I tell ya! Wild!!

This is such an exciting time!  Please join us as we pray our baby home!! J

“…Ask and you will receive, so that your joy will be the fullest possible joy.” John 16:24 NCV

Waiting to wait

This will be a quick update because I’m exhausted tonight!  I think I may actually get to bed somewhat early!! (whaaaaaat?!?! Meeee?!?! Haha)  J 

First of all- - I hope everybody had a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving!!!!  (Ours was nice…. We realize that there is a CHANCE this could have been our last Thanksgiving as non-parents!! ….. Crazy, huh?!  I HOPE we have our child/children by this time next year!! Wouldn’t that be AWESOME?!?!)  J

Just to break it down plain and simple- - we are still WAITING to WAIT.  We are WAITING to get a call from our case worker so we can MOVE FORWARD and get our home visit scheduled!!!! (So THEN we can get on the waiting list!!)

I’ve been emailing with the agency and they are waiting for two final documents before we can officially move forward.  The last things they need are both of our psychological evaluation results.  Do you even understand how frustrating that is to me?!?!  We had our psychological evaluations on September 8!!!! (Over 2 months ago!!!!)  I’ve been calling the psychologist for two weeks requesting that he send in the reports.  He finally called me back LAST Monday and apologized for getting behind.  He assured me that he’d get them to our agency by this PAST Monday.  You better believe I checked with our agency on Monday and again yesterday and….. THEY STILL DO NOT HAVE THEM!!!!  Grrrrrrrrrrr…..

In a way this gives me a complex- - - - like- - - - are we THAT complicated?!?!  Is something WRONG with us?!?!  Is THAT why it’s taking him forever to complete the reports?!?!  L  But surely not…… RiGhT?!?!

I’ll just have to take Mr. Psychologist at his word that he got behind…… and try not to read into it.  I mean, it was an intimidating enough process to begin with… and now this….

*sigh

So,…. that’s it!  We’re just  w a i t i n g  on these last few steps before we can get on the waiting list to officially wait!  I can’t WAIT to be WAITING for REAL!!!! J

“The longer you wait for something, the more you’ll appreciate it when you get it.  Cause anything worth having is definitely worth waiting…” ~Anonymous  (Can I get an AMEN up in here?!) J

One of those days

I had “one of those days” today.  Maybe it was the rain or the grey sky…..  or just the simple fact that I am aching to be a mommy.  

Of course every day I want to be a mommy but some days are just sadder than others. 

I had a full day of appointments/meetings.  You’d think that in my hustle and bustle my mind would not be completely consumed with “all-things-mommy”.  Oh, but it was.  L  My time driving from meeting to meeting was spent dreaming about when we’ll have our child, what gender he/she will be, what race, what age, what personality, etc.  I even daydreamed about all of the kiddie music we will listen to in the car together.  All of the smiles, laughs, cries and sleepless nights.  I can imagine so clearly embracing our child and gazing into his/her eyes.  There are no words strong enough to express this deep yearning and extreme ache.  How can I miss a child that I haven’t even physically seen yet? 

………. But I do.  I miss my child.  I want my child to come home.

(Sigh)

So I got home and immediately started cleaning.  This is my stress-release type therapy.  It’s a clear sign that I am angry, upset or just plain gloomy if I’m going 90-to-nothing, on my hands and knees scrubbing the bathroom floors.  My precious husband is aware of this.  J  He immediately got out the Pledge and started dusting the house, cleaned Rascal’s kitty litter, took out the trash AND cleaned the inside of the microwave!  Bless his sweet little heart.

We both sat down and exhaled in pure fatigue.  Without saying a word, we knew.  We knew where this mental, emotional and now physical exhaustion was coming from.  We knew that this adoption journey, albeit it joyful at most times, can be downright “dirty” at others. 

After a few short moments, Erik said, “Well, I don’t know where you’re going to find your surprise!?!”  I was confused.  ????  I thought he was referring to all the cleaning he just did, but he wasn’t……..  Long story short, he had emailed me a gift certificate for a 60 minute massage!!!! (The message on the certificate just said, "SURPRISE!!")  Oh how very sweet.  J  And he timed it so perfectly!!  Thank you, God, for a compassionate and considerate husband.  Of course he is many, many other wonderful things but today I am especially thankful for those two characteristics.  J

I am also extremely thankful that God can take a sad day and turn it into a joyful one.  And thank you, Father that tomorrow is a NEW day.  My desire to hold our child will of course remain the same but I trust that the ache will be transformed into joyful anticipation and excitement.  There ARE marvelous things in store and I WILL enjoy every step along the way.  Our loving God is unfolding our own personal love story and I cannot wait for a new little person (or more!!) to be added to the mix! J

"Every child born into the world is a new thought of God, an ever-fresh and radiant possibility." ~Kate Douglas Wiggin

Closet Nesting

I may have already mentioned this- - but our Home Study paperwork is turned in!!  I thought the very next step was a home visit.  It sort of is, but before it is scheduled, we’re supposed to get a call from our caseworker informing us what all needs to be in our profile (aka- - basically a scrapbook for the birthmothers to look through).  We’re still waiting on that call!! J  They say after the call we can go ahead and start working on the profile, we’ll have a couple of appointments with our caseworker, THEN we’ll have a home visit……. Come on with it!! J

I can only imagine the “deep cleaning” we will do for our home visit.  I “know” they won’t walk in with a white glove, sweeping it across all surfaces…….. BUT……  I’ll want it spotless “just in case”.  Haha

Even though I’m sure our home visit probably won’t be for another few weeks (at best) I’ve already started feeling the urgency to get our house clean and in order.  I printed out a Cleaning Schedule and have it on the refrigerator.  J  (I’m sure you can imagine the excitement Erik conveyed when I showed him this schedule. Haha)  This is just to maintain a clean house so when we have our Home Visit scheduled we can focus on the “deep cleaning”.  

I’m a fairly organized person in general.  I LOVE for everything to have a place.  But things just “having their place” is no longer sufficient to me.  Now I’m on this kick where I feel that everything should have its own tub or basket.  I’m talking under cabinets, in closets, etc.  I was putting boxes in my closets and had plans to cover them with fabric (an idea I found online).  I thought it was such a grand idea until my mom informed me that you can buy those little cloth basket things for like $1 or $2.  That same day I went and bought about 10 cloth basket things and I need MORE!  It may be overkill but I am LOVING having everything grouped together in different baskets!  Now when I open our bathroom closets or look under the sinks I feel such joy.  J  ahhhh….  The small joys in life. 

I think I’m kind of pre-nesting.  You know, preparing for a child.  Since my focus right now is our closets….I guess you could call it closet nesting?? Haha!  I’m thinking: we get more organized, then our time spent cleaning is more efficient, then we’ll have more quality time to spend with each other and with our child in the near future!  J 

I love thinking about getting things in such order before a child enters our lives.  We’re….hmm…. well, probably more like I’m thinking about all of these different “systems” we should have in place so we can have a structured household when our sweet baby comes home!  Erik is so very kind to entertain these ideas with me.  J  I know he thinks I’m crazy and over-ambitious when it comes to all of my “systems”.  If nothing else, it’s fun talking about them and preparing our house for our sweet baby!  We may still be quite a ways away from our child but we sure feel like we’re a huge step closer!! 

I used to feel like “one day” I’ll be a mommy.  “One day” we’ll experience what it’s like to be parents.  “One day” we’ll have a sweet baby to love and cherish.  One day, one day, one day.  I always wondered- - when will it happen??....... But God is blessing us NOW.  It IS happening!!  We may not have our child in our arms YET….. but we know that God is working on that.  J  Thank you, Lord for strengthening our faith through all of this!!!!

“Faith means being sure of the things we hope for and knowing that something is real even if we do not see it.”  Hebrews 11:1 NCV

Please continue praying with us along this journey!  Thank you!! J