For REAL!

So turning in our Preliminary Application to adopt made us feel like this was pretty real…..

Getting it back APPROVED made this feel definitely for real…..

Tonight we submitted our Formal Application (with the $550 fee) so now it feels FOR REAL real!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

This means we should be able to attend the August 5^th Orientation!!!!

We’re FLIPPING OUT!!!!  J  (In a great way, of course!)

So…. Well,…. I guess that’s all for now!! J  We are super ecstatic about getting this ball rolling to BRING OUR BABY HOME!!

“You thrill me, Lord, with all you have done for me!  I sing for joy because of what you have done.  O Lord, what great works you do!...”  ~Psalm 92:4-5 NLT

This IS happening!!

We received notice TODAY that our preliminary application for domestic infant adoption was APPROVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In order to move forward from here, you have to attend a mandatory orientation.  This is offered 4 times a year.  The next one is Friday, August 5!!!!!! (So SOON!)

We have been “formally” invited to attend this orientation but first, Step 2 has to be completed.

Step 2:  Formal Application with $550 fee.

We thought, hmm…. Maybe we should wait until the next orientation so we can have more time to prepare for that $550 fee…….. BUT the next orientation isn’t until November 4!

We will make this happen and will be in that August 5 orientation, Lord willing.  :o)

This brings up the aspect of worrying.  There are lots of things in life that we worry about and stinkin’ FINANCES always seems to be a “big” one. 

We had a guest speaker at church on Sunday and his lesson was about worry and was a great reminder of the things we KNOW but need to PRACTICE more often.

Here’s a brief outline of his lesson: (Matthew 6:25-34)

*Worry is irresponsible.

*Worry is irrelevant.

*Worry is irritating (to God).

*Worry is irreverent.

Jesus’ Rx for Worry

*Put God 1^st in your life.

*Live one day at a time.

*Trust God for things out of your control.

What you worry about- - - - pray about. 

(“Give all your worries to him, because he cares about you.” ~I Peter 5:7 NCV)

This is only the beginning to lots of different fees being due and we’re wondering how we’re going to do this.  BUT we’re trying not to worry about it.  We will save like nobody’s business and brainstorm about different fundraising ideas.  All while trying not to worry about it.  ;o)

ALREADY God has used some dear friends of ours to bring us comfort and warm our hearts.  We have not seen them in probably over 2 years but they let us know that they have an “Erik and Mallory’s Baby Fund Jar” in their house.  OH MY GOODNESS!!  I cannot explain to you mine and Erik’s reaction to this.  Just the selflessness in that screams Christ’s love.  Unbelievable. 

We have faith that everything will come together one way or the other because God is all over this! ♥ 

We are moving forward, folks….

This IS happening and we can’t believe it!!!! J

"The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy." ~Psalm 126:3 NIV  

Is this my fault?

I will definitely be blogging about every step of this exciting adoption process.  But, I just want to make something clear……. 

We are still trying to get pregnant. 

This means that the hurt from not getting pregnant month after month is still there.  My posts will probably flip back and forth between being excited about adopting to being sad about not conceiving.  This is just because my desires are 50/50.

I’ve mentioned before that we've always wanted biological AND adopted children.  It doesn’t matter to us which comes first.  We just want both.

We have applied to adopt domestically and are SO excited about it!! YAY!!!!!!  We are already daydreaming about what gender our baby will be, what his or name should be, what race he or she will be, etc.  (We were even turning around in the car today imagining a little carseat in the back seat and imagining how enriched our lives will be when we’re entrusted to care for a little baby angel). :o) 

The process of adoption is such a wonderful and exciting journey.  Even though the steps will more than likely seem daunting while we are eagerly awaiting our child, it’s still exciting!  To know that God already knows the child that He wants us to parent….. To know that God already knows who the birthmother of our child is….  To know that God is preparing us for this sweet child and is preparing the birthmother to choose adoption….  Is overwhelming and humbling. 

We are thrilled to be adopting and already would not trade the experience for anything.

I do want to be able to conceive TOO.  Honestly, to me, one is not greater than the other.  Adoption and conception are just DIFFERENT, obviously.  Conception is a completely different experience/miracle that I do wish to experience.

I can’t help but think that maybe…. just maybe….  it’s my fault that we’ve been unsuccessful at getting pregnant.  You see, for years I’ve been “worried” that I’d have trouble conceiving.  I verbalized it on several occasions and even stated things like, “If God really wanted to test my faith, it would be for me to struggle getting pregnant.” 

I feel like the fact that I verbalized that welcomed this "test”.  I can’t help but think of Job and these verses come to mind….

“Everything I feared and dreaded has happened to me.  I have no peace or quietness.  I have no rest, only trouble.”  ~Job 3:25-26 NCV

Everything that Job loved was taken away from him.  His life was stripped of loved ones, his belongings…. Just everything.  He says that he had feared all of that would happen…..  Then it did.  But as we know, Job remained faithful and never once cursed God through his hurt.

I may be way off, but sometimes I imagine God and Satan having a similar conversation about me like they did concerning Job.  I imagine God telling Satan to “just watch”…. That I will NOT lose faith….. That I WILL remain faithful….. NO. MATTER. WHAT.

So here I am,…… facing my deepest fears….  Sometimes I’m not able to find peace or rest.  I’m trying to be strong and I’m trying not to lose focus. 

I fear that I will never be able to get pregnant. 

If that is God’s will, then that will be okay.  HE is greater than my desires.  I will NOT lose faith and I WILL remain faithful.  NO. MATTER. WHAT.  (So take THAT, Satan!)

“God is our protection and our strength.  He always helps in times of trouble.”  ~Psalm 46:1 NCV

“So don't worry, because I am with you.  Don't be afraid, because I am your God.  I will make you strong and will help you; I will support you with my right hand that saves you.”  ~Isaiah 41:10 NCV

"But the Lord is faithful and will give you strength and will protect you from the Evil One."  ~2 Thessalonians 3:3 NCV

Even though I started out thinking that this is the ONE thing that God could use to test my faith...... I'm realizing it is also the ONE thing that can strengthen my faith to a level I didnt think existed.  :o)


"...The devil, your enemy, goes around like a roaring lion looking for someone to eat.  Refuse to give in to him, by standing strong in your faith. You know that your Christian family all over the world is having the same kinds of suffering."  ~ I Peter 5:8-9 NCV


"As you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so continue to live in him.  Keep your roots deep in him and have your lives built on him. Be strong in the faith, just as you were taught, and always be thankful."  ~ Colossians 2:6-7 NCV

"Baby" steps

All of this adoption agency research has been hard work!  It started with lots and lots of information packets, DVDs, brochures, magazines, etc.  We got it down to our top 3 agencies that I organized in a hot pink floral binder ;o) with colorful/patterned tabs.  I’ve kept records of every phone call, email, contact, contact “attempt”, question, answer and “non-answer” answer.

Our pros and cons lists weren’t helping that much because one agency’s strength is another’s weakness.  Plus, before we could even decide on an agency, we had to know where we wanted to adopt our baby from.

Decision to be made:  Domestic or International Adoption?  After lots and lots of praying, reading, talking, crying and more praying………… We have officially chosen DOMESTIC ADOPTION for this first time around!!  (We plan on adopting from China in a few years, Lord willing.)  But for right now, our baby is in the USA!!  :o)

Now that we know we’re going to move forward with domestic adoption, we have chosen the adoption agency we will work with!  Which means……… nothing is holding us back now!!  (I’m freaking out!!!!)

Step 1:  Preliminary Application with a $50 fee. 

(I told my parents that we had chosen an adoption agency and were planning on starting the process next month.  We didn’t really have a “good” reason for waiting until next month…. It just feels good to start things on the 1^st of a month, right?….  Knowing that the 1st fee was $50, my dad handed me a $50 bill and said, “Will this help you go ahead and get started?”  Bless him.)

That $50 bill has been on our refrigerator all week as a small reminder of the great support we have from our family.  :o)

“So encourage each other and give each other strength, just as you are doing now.”  ~I Thessalonians 5:11 NCV

Earlier this week we called and requested the preliminary application packet from the adoption agency.  The lady said she’d email it to us.  About 4 hours later, we had not received it.  I called again “just to make sure she had my correct email address”.  (We were SO anxious to have this preliminary application in our hands!!)  She apologized but said she was reviewing it to make sure everything was current/correct in it and would get it to us within 24 hrs.  *sigh*  Okay.  We can wait.

After 24 hours…… nothing.  Erik called this time.  She apologized and said that their system was down and she’d have to mail it to us (aka SNAIL MAIL)!  Okay… I understand this is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things…. But we are READY to do this thing!!  But okay, we’ll wait for the stinkin’ snail mail to bring it.  *sigh*

But guess what?!  TODAY we got the preliminary application in my email!! YAY!!!!  We will fill it out together TONIGHT and put it in the mail TOMORROW!!  (Okay, so I’ll probably put it in the mailbox tonight just to MAKE SURE we don’t miss the mailman tomorrow). ;o) 

We’re EXCITED!!!!!

Even though I am super giddy to have this huge decision made and to actually be able to move FORWARD, I am fully aware that this is only the beginning to a potentially very long process.  It takes several months to complete all of the paperwork, homestudy, assessments, etc.  After all of that is approved (HOPEFULLY we will be approved), we will be on the official waiting list.  We are told that a family can wait as little as 2 months or as long as 5 years.  (The birthmother chooses the family for the adopted child).

This is the 1^st of many “baby” steps that we will take towards OUR baby!!!!! 

It will so be worth it.  ♥

Waterworks

Among many other things that get the “waterworks” (aka tears) going for me these days, SONGS can really get to me.  There is one in particular that I feel is just too good not to share.  :o) 

If you've ever even thought about adoption or considered looking into it, I hope this song/video can stir up something within you.  ;o)  God definitely uses us all in different ways.... But if God puts it on your heart to reach out to orphans..... please don't ignore that calling.  ♥

Here’s a link to a great video with the song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SDwZL5zGL8

Also, here are some of the lyrics from One Less by Matthew West.

There's a child
Been abandoned out on the street
Now she's waiting for someone to be her miracle

There's a wife
Somewhere halfway around the world
Begging God for a little girl she can call her own

Well, worlds collide
And colors fade
And a man and wife
Brought their little girl home today

And there's one less
One less broken heart in the world tonight
Yeah, there's one less
There's one less broken heart in the world tonight

We are called
To the widows and the orphans
But it's easy to ignore their silent crys
Oh, but every single time
Somebody reaches into the darkness
Makes a choice to help the helpless
They let mercy save a life

And there's one less
One less broken heart in the world tonight
Yeah, there's one less
Yeah, there's one less broken heart in the world tonight

Well the truth is we are all the orphans
But love has left the 99 just to find the one

So let worlds collide
Colors fade
Let your life
Be the miracle today

One less broken heart in the world tonight
Tonight I know there's one less
One less broken heart in the world tonight

One less night alone
One less child without a home
One less birthday gone forgotten
One more soul rising from the bottom

One less broken heart in the world tonight

There's more

When I think that we’ve researched every possible adoption agency out there….. there’s more.

When I think we’ve compared our agency “top runners” enough and there are no more questions we could think of….. there’s more.

When I think we’ve learned of every “type” of adoption or adoption path available….. there’s more.

When we’ve watched several adoption DVD’s, read adoption books, magazines and articles and think surely we’ve covered all of our resources in helping us make this decision….. there’s more.

When we’ve poured our hearts out to God for months on end and I think that we have run out of words and emotion to pour into our prayers….. there’s more.

When I think I’ve cried all the tears I could possibly cry….. there’s more.

Lots more.

When we started seriously looking into adoption we were 100% there.  Now, after researching even more and praying even more about it……  I have to say, if it’s possible, we are 200% there.  All of our fears are basically out the window.  We are READY.  We are ready for the challenge, for the commitment, for the sacrifice, for the love.  The love we will give to our child, for the love we’ll receive from our child and for the love we’ll feel from our Lord. 

We’ve received lots of gifts from the Lord and are incredibly thankful.  We’re asking him now, for what we consider one of the greatest gifts of all.

“Children are a blessing and a gift from the LORD.”  ~Psalm 127:3 CEV

We hope to choose an adoption agency within the next month and START THE PROCESS!  It’s a long process, we know.  But we are ready.  We are ready to be waiting for our precious child.  ♥

I Am Thankful

I could write about my recent frustrations.  Or about several "roadblocks" that I feel we've run into lately.  But I'll just share with you all what was in our Lifeline (Bulletin) at church today.  It's a great way to start a new week.

I Am Thankful

... for the wife who says its hot dogs tonight, because it means she is home with me.

... for the husband who is on the sofa being a couch potato, because it means he is home with me.

... for the teenager who is complaining about doing dishes, because it means he or she is safe at home.

... for the taxes that I pay, because it means I am employed.

... for the mess to clean up after a party, because it means I have been surrounded by friends.

... for the clothes that fit a little snug, because it means I have enough to eat.

... for my shadow that watches me work, because it means I am in the sunshine.

... for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing, because it means I have a home.

... for all the complaining I hear about the government, because it means we have freedom of speech.

... for the parking spot that I find at the far end of the parking lot, because it means I am able to walk and that I have been blessed with transportation.

... for my huge heating bill, because it means I am warm.

... for the lady in church behind me that sings off key, because it means I can hear.

... for the pile of laundry and ironing, because it means I have clothes to wear.

... for the weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day, because it means I have been capable of working hard.

... for the alarm that goes off at dawn, because it means I am alive and able to get up each morning.

... for my Father in Heaven, because He provides all that I need!

"And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus."  ~Philippians 4:19

Have a wonderful week!

Listening!

It is no secret that I've had a rough day dealing with my emotions (hence earlier blog post).  It may be a little over-kill to blog twice in one day, but I HAD to share this real fast.

 Yesterday, Erik and I stumbled upon a blog where a lady was talking about adopting through fostercare.  This sparked our attention because this was ONE route we hadn't seriously considered yet.  Later that night while we were having our "heart to heart" with God, we asked Him to open our eyes to this option of foster/adoption if that's what He wanted for us.  We asked Him specifically to use the people around us to help direct us because we feel overwhelmed and were basically begging for more direction.

 Well, TODAY my mother-in-law emailed me this article BEFORE she read my post from earlier today.
http://www.guideposts.org/inspirational-stories/actress-nia-vardalos-adoption

 Erik and I freaked out.  Okay, God... We're LISTENING!! :o)  It is EXACTLY the same type of adoption we stumbled upon yesterday......  There is NO denying that God used Sherry (my wonderful mom-in-law) to open our eyes, comfort us and encourage us tonight. 

 "Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful."  ~Colossians 4:2 NIV

I guess now the question is.... Is this the route God wants us to go?  Or does He just want us to thoroughly consider all of our options?  Maybe we will learn something new from exploring this possible route?  WHO KNOWS?!.... Well, of course,.... God knows...  ;o)  And Him just..... uhm... for a lack of better words,..... "stepping up His game" haha....  made me really feel His presence in this again.  I think I lost that a bit with my lists, questions and stinkin' PLANS.

Well, I feel so much better and can rest well tonight, praise the Lord! I can't thank you all enough for your kind words, prayers and for reaching out to me today when I needed it so badly.  I love all of you and please know that you are beautiful instruments of the Lord.

 "I thank my God every time I remember you, always praying with joy for all of you."  ~Philippians 1:3-4 NCV

What IS fair?

Life isn’t fair. 

But praise God, right?  If we always got what was “fair” or what we “deserved” we would be a mess.  We are sinners and only by God’s grace are we abundantly blessed.

“You have been saved by grace through believing. You did not save yourselves; it was a gift from God.”  ~ Ephesians 2:8 NCV

Forgive me while my thoughts are kind of all over the place.  This post may not make a lot of sense or be very organized.  It’s just where I am at the moment….  I am overwhelmed and stressed out….

Okay……

I don’t “deserve” the wonderful husband I have.  I don’t “deserve” to have such a supportive, loving family or to have such precious Christian friends.  I don’t “deserve” a job I love, a nice home, car, belongings, etc. 

But do I feel like it’s “fair” or that I “deserve” to have to struggle with getting pregnant?  Or to have to WAIT so long to be a mom? 

Well,…….. honestly……….. no. 

I know that doesn’t make very much sense when I know that none of us “deserve” or are “worthy” of anything.  That’s the beauty of God’s love for us.  

“But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit…” ~ Titus 3:4-5 NIV

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” ~James 1:17 NIV

We have so many things in our lives that we’re grateful for…. So why is it that the ONE thing we want and don’t have can completely consume us?!  :o(

“Lord, you know everything I want; my cries are not hidden from you. My heart pounds and my strength is gone…” ~Psalm 38:9-10 NCV. 

Sometimes it hits me how long it’s been that we’ve desired… I mean really, deeply desired to be parents.  Besides the fact that we’ve always known we wanted to be parents…. We’ve been trying since 2009. 

We are moving forward with adoption after feeling God leading us in that direction.  We are in the very early stages of this process and are excited about it.  But I must admit …… we are scared.  We’re scared we’ll have to wait as long or longer for our adopted child as we are on our biological child. 

There are so many uncertainties in this situation.  We’re trying to get pregnant….. Who knows how long we’ll have to wait?……..  We’re diving into the adoption world and are hearing horror stories about lots of people waiting for yearsssss…….  Who knows how long we’ll have to wait?….  Again,… a lot of uncertainties. 

But among these uncertainties remain a few things that Erik and I are confident about.

I want to be a mommy.  Erik wants to be a daddy.  We want to be parents. 

We want an adopted child. 

We want a biological child.

We do not care what order.

I KNOW this is where my faith needs to be kicking in….. and it will….. I’m just having a moment……  Your prayers are appreciated.

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”  ~Hebrews 11:1 NKJV

“Now this is the confidence we have before Him: whenever we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.  And if we know that He hears whatever we ask, we know that we have what we have asked Him for.”  ~I John 5:14-15 HCSB

Thanks for reading.  ♥

Where are you?

(One of my nieces, Hannah and her friend Rachel are raising money for an orphanage in Brazil.  Erik and I have been considering going with them to the orphanage there in a few months….)

“Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.” ~James 1:27 NLT

While we’ve been praying about adoption and talking with family about it, it dawned on us….

What about Brazil?  Could we adopt a child from this orphanage?  It’s right here in our faces!  Could this be part of God’s plan?  What are the chances of our family planning a trip to an orphanage during the time we’re prayerfully considering adoption?!  And we’re considering going there!  Could we actually go to Brazil and meet our child?!  Could we bring our child home in just a few short months?!?!

We got pretty excited about the possibility.  We eagerly called the founder of the orphanage today to get answers to our long list of questions.

Well, I feel like we got lots of question marks instead of answers.  :o( 

It’s no one’s fault.  It’s just the way things seem to be there.  There really isn’t a strict process which could be nice, but also scares me.  Remember how I love plans?  Well, you can’t easily “map out” a plan when dealing with adopting from this orphanage.  Everything seems to “depend” on something else…. on the age of the child, the mood of the judge, how fast the lawyers work, etc.  Really?!   The judge’s mood?!  That stresses me out.

To say the least, we got off of the phone and I felt…. I don’t know….  defeated, I guess.  I didn’t expect him to say, “oh yeah- come on over here in a couple of months and choose the child you want and “tah-dah!” it’s a done deal.”  But I did expect some answers.  Some sort of certainty in the process….  Just something…. anything to help us out while we’re weighing all of our options.

We’ll still pray about going to Brazil.  Even if our child isn’t there, being at an orphanage, loving on the children, seeing first-hand the needs of orphans…. Would be life changing, I’m sure.  (Your prayers about this would be great!)

After not having our questions answered, I’m left with the questions we had plus some for our child- - Where are you?  Have you been born yet?  Have you been waiting for years for a forever home?  Are you in the U.S.?  Are you in Brazil?  Are you in another country?........ Where are you?

“O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
      How long will you look the other way?
  How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
      with sorrow in my heart every day?
      How long will my enemy have the upper hand?

  Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
      Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
  Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
      Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.

  But I trust in your unfailing love.
      I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
  I will sing to the Lord
      because he is good to me.”  ~Psalm 13:1-6 NLT