We were orphans too

I've kind of had a rough day today.  One of those: "if something could go wrong, it did", "anything that was said or done hurt my feelings" kind of days.

 Yuck.


I feel like we have "big" things going on in our lives.  OF COURSE our adoption but also trying to figure out where we need to "be" to really glorify God and help grow His Kingdom.  He's opening our eyes to soooo many things through this adoption process.  Its great!  And also an emotional rollercoaster.


Today I was reflecting a lot on the fact that WE too were orphans before the Lord "adopted" us. 


"Because of his love, God had already decided to make us his own children through Jesus Christ..." Ephesians 1:5 NLT


I love that.  I would be nothing without the Lord.... without being in His family.... without Him as my father.... without His love.... 


This led to me yearning that much more to welcome OUR sweet baby into our home.... into our family.... to introduce him/her to the Lord and love them with His love.... and watch a beautiful story unfold.... *sigh*


I am impatient. 
I. want. our. child.............. yesterday.


I was struggling to find encouragement within but turned to a devotional.  It's too good not to share.  (This is an excerpt by Max Lucado that's in my Bible).  It was EXACTLY what I needed today (and a lot of days!)  A coincidence that this was the page I turned to?.... I think not. ;o)


Strength
"You get impatient with your own life, trying to master a habit or control a sin- - and in your frustration begin to wonder where the power of God is.  Be patient.  God is using today's difficulties to strengthen you for tomorrow.  He is equipping you.  The God who makes things grow will help you bear fruit.


God did not leave you as an orphan.  He says he will be with you always.  All of us could use some more strength- - who isn't trying to tackle an attitude or put away a bad habit or overcome guilt?  We can't see the power, but it's real- - we're not alone.


As long as we have hope, as long as we recognize that this world is not our home, as long as we recognize that some day all of our problems will be solved, that is where we will gather our strength."


"The LORD is my strength and my shield;  my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.  My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him."  Psalm 28:7 NIV

Kinda nervous

*We are juuuust about finished with our “self studies”.  We only have 2 questions left to answer.  I’ve handwritten 26 ½ pages of answers so far.  (It’s intense… AND I’m detail oriented).  Erik was handwriting his but decided he could think better if he typed his answers.  (His is 8 pages long so far.. typed).

*Every week we have 2 pages of questions to complete for our Adoption Classes (questions about books we’re reading and different articles).  I’m not sure if they’re that time consuming on their own or if we’re just really slow doing them….. but they take us forever to complete.  BUT we’re learning a lot! J  We will at least feel like we’re somewhat prepared for parenting challenges!

*We’ve partnered with 2 different companies to help fundraise for our adoption (Just Love Coffee and Olive Tree Promise).  (You can see the links to the right of the page). J  Also, we’ve scheduled our primary fundraiser for October 8!!  We’ll have a Benefit Dinner with live music and silent auction items.  We will make and print tickets this week and start pre-selling them so we’ll have an idea of how much food to purchase/prepare…..  I’m nervous!........  I’m nervous no one will come! …. Surely they will, right?? …… (Okay…. I just wrote that like this was my diary)……. But…. Seriously…. Ya’ll will come, right?!  Oh please come……..  And invite everyone you know!  J  

I’m all worked up….  I’m anxious about getting all of our paperwork and homework done....  I’m eagerly anticipating next month’s appointments (expectations consultation, psychological evaluations, physical exams)….  I’m scared about the Benefit Dinner…. 

I’m just kinda nervous feeling…… And I don’t love that….. 

Everything is moving right along, for which I am very thankful.  I need to focus on THAT.  I know it WILL all work out…. 

(I feel like Dorothy on the Wizard of Oz… instead of clicking my heels and saying “There’s no place like home”, I feel like closing my eyes and saying repeatedly, “It WILL all work out,  It WILL all work out....”….haha) J

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”  Philippians 4:6 NIV

“Don't worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will have its own worries. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”  Matthew 6:34 NCV

My husband's heart

We’re staying busy with all of our adoption paperwork.  Although it’s kind of stressful making sure we’re thorough and honest all while making sure to not make ourselves/families sound TOO crazy, it’s really fun too! J

My favorite part of this paperwork is rediscovering my husband’s heart.  I must say…. it really is quite beautiful.  ♥ 

We’re having to answer what most would consider “difficult” questions.  These are about what “kind” of child we prefer to adopt.  It covers their heritage, birthmother’s history, birthfather’s history, illnesses, ETC.  It’s hard to describe the warmth my heart feels when I come to a question that I’m afraid Erik will say “no” to and he doesn’t even hesitate with answering “yes”.  The conversations we’re having about our soon-to-be child and their birthfamilies are making me appreciate Erik on a whole new level. 

What a man, what a man!!  ♥      

I probably sound like a broken record, but I CANNOT WAIT to meet our sweet, sweet child!! (or children!!)

If we have a girl, I pray that she chooses a husband like her daddy.  If we have a boy, I pray that he models himself after his daddy.  ♥   Oh…… I just CAN’T WAIT!!

So, I guess this entry is a shout out to ERIK!  I love you, Erik.  And thank you for practicing ALL of the fruits of the Spirit….

“But the Spirit produces the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…”  Galations 5:22-23 NCV

I am incredibly blessed to be married to a man of God.  ♥

 “But you, man of God, … live in the right way, serve God, have faith, love, patience, and gentleness.”  I Timothy 6:11 NCV

"To Do Lists"

I pretty much always have an on-going “To Do List” around the house.  You know,… there are always things that need to be done (laundry, change air filters, vacuum, dust, re-organize something, etc).

Tonight as I was making our “Weekend To Do List” (Erik despises those), I found that it was twice as long as usual. 

We now have TWO “Weekend To Do Lists”! (I’m sure I am not Erik’s favorite person right now).  We have an “Adoption To Do List” and a “Non-Adoption To Do List”.  J  One is equally as long as the other.

So…. we have LOTS of stuff to do this weekend!  We have “homework” from our 1^st Adoption class that's due Tuesday (2 pages of questions) and we’re going to work on our “self studies” from the Home Study paperwork along with lots of other forms. 

The self studies are what we’re dreading the most.  We each have a 10 page packet to fill out about ourselves.  For example:  describe your personality, your strengths, your weaknesses, personal achievements, personal goals, hobbies, interests, etc…. detailed questions about your childhood and family of origin… detailed questions about your marriage… detailed questions about previous “significant relationships” (whaaat?)… detailed questions about your parenting styles… detailed questions about adoption (3 pages in that one category)….

When I say detailed I mean very detailed.

We’re also going to work on each of our “SAFE Questionnaires” (SAFE= structured analysis family evaluation).  These are 11 pages each. 

Remember when I said we were overwhelmed??..... Yeah….. we still are. J

Moving forward

Tonight we attended our 1^st of 6 Adoption Classes!  It was wonderful- not at all as overwhelming as the orientation.  But we did talk quite a bit about parenting tonight. J Erik and I got a good laugh at ourselves when we got in the car.  Erik was like, “wait a minute….. I thought we were signing up to hold, feed, love and protect a baby!  Not discipline a teenager!”  LOL!  It’s still making me laugh.  I mean, we obviously KNOW that the sweet baby will grow up……. We just hadn’t thought that far down the road yet! 

Our favorite thing about tonight was that we got to meet a birthmother that made an adoption plan for her baby.  She was not at all what we expected her to be.  She was a single businesswoman in her 30’s, extremely well spoken and had an overtly Christian perspective about her past and present situations.  To say the least, I bawled through most of her story.  I have a great deal of respect and admiration for this birthmother and for all of the birthmothers out there that choose adoption for their birthchildren. 

We are already praying for the birthmother of our sweet baby.  I really hope we get to meet her.  I want to give her a HUGE hug and say a prayer with her. ♥

Of course we are very excited about our adoption journey and the fact that we’re moving forward.  We’ve scheduled our physical exams, psychological exams and our Expectations Consultation at the agency. 

We plan on diving into the large stack of paperwork tomorrow night.  We’re anxious to get it completed but $2,000 is due when we turn it all in.  Soooooo our goal is to at least have it ready to turn in by October.  That gives us some time to save and fundraise. 

Some sweet friends suggested that we have a Benefit/Concert/Silent Auction and we’re taking their advice.  We’ve jotted down some notes trying to plan it and I’ll make some calls tomorrow to find a venue.  We are clearly not going to try to raise ALL of the money needed ($2,000 is due soon, then $3,000, then probably close to $10,000 for the final “placement” fee)...….. but obviously the sooner we start raising funds, the sooner we can get on that WAITING LIST!   

(Deep breath)…. I’m very tired and need to get some sleep.  I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted.  Thank you for reading and for your encouragement through everything so far. 

Sweet dreams.  J

“Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest.”  (Jesus) ~Matthew 11:28 NCV

Reality check

(Just a head's up:  This is somewhat of a lengthy post).  ;o)

I am fully aware that I have unrealistic expectations about…….. well,……… everything.  (I can honestly say that the only thing that’s never disappointed me is my marriage…. Erik continues to exceed my expectations…. Praise God for that!!)

Step 1:  Preliminary Application: CHECK!

Step 2:  Formal Application:  CHECK!

Step 3:  Adoption Orientation:  CHECK!

Clearly, I was SO excited for this orientation.  It felt like I was preparing for the first day of school or something.  I stayed up until 1:30am painting my nails, trying on outfits and gathering my “supplies” (notebook, high-lighters, folders, pens….).  Searching my closet for the “perfect” outfit I came across several options….

“Sunday” dresses- - - “too dressy”

Sundresses- - - “too young”

Very colorful shirts (kind of tie-dyed)- - - “too casual”

Dressy shirts with just a little sequins- - - “too flashy”

Collared shirts- - - “too businessy”

Then when I remembered the “perfect” shirt (simple cowl-neck, cap-sleeved, fuchsia - colorful but not TOO bright - from Banana Republic), I realized it was DIRTY…. So, of course, I stayed up to do a load of laundry especially for this shirt.  (I ended up wearing it with black dress pants, heels and of course my big jewelry- - large cross earrings, pearl bracelets, silver watch).

Okay, so maybe I expected to enter a balloon filled room while the employees greeted us by throwing confetti, sounding party horns and shouting, “Congratulations!! You’ve chosen adoption!!” 

That did not happen. 

However, we DID enter a room filled with smiling people, a hospitality table (with apples, bananas and coffee) and were given pre-printed name tags.  They took our picture so they could put a face with a name when they prayed for us at their office.  (NICE!) J

Along the same lines of trying to find the “perfect” outfit…. We (okay…. I) had to find the “perfect” seats for us.  We sat in not one…. Not two…. But three places until we got it.  Our “perfect” seats.  I got my notebook out with my pen (and extra pen).  I was so ready for this.

I’m telling you….. I’m nuts………. But I was excited.

The introduction was welcoming and informative.  It was clear that we were going to be “facing reality” about adoption.  The statement, “We want you to go into this with your eyes wide open” was used several times.  We had question and answer time, the employees introduced themselves and explained their roles, we discussed what “special needs” included, a few families came and gave their adoption testimonies, they explained each sheet that came in a thick stack of paperwork, etc.

Much like our journey already, I had ups and downs during the day.  Here are a few things that started slowly bursting my bubble….

1.)   China’s Waiting List is at 5-7 years  (whaaaaaaaat?!  You see, it has been a passion/desire of mine since I was about 12 to adopt from China.  We knew you had to be 30 yrs old to adopt from China so that means we’ll have to wait 2 yrs to even apply with them…. I hope the wait time doesn’t INCREASE by then!! L )

2.)   If you get pregnant during your adoption process, you are put on “HOLD”.  This is only to see if your pregnancy is “viable”.  If you miscarry, you can continue with your adoption plan.  If you do not, you’re basically withdrawn.  You do not have to go through the trainings again but you do have to have another home study…. And basically start over…. Including fees all over again. (children must be at least 6 months apart)

3.)   Finances.  We obviously have evaluated our financial situation to make sure all of this wouldn’t be more than we could chew… we have more coming in than going out,.. yada yada yada….  But today we saw forms with certain percentages of your debt-to-income ratio and basically they said that you can’t exceed a certain percentage…. And we probably don’t…. it just stressed us out.

So where do we go from here?

Step 4:  Six Adoption Classes with one time $25 fee for books.

Our first class is THIS TUESDAY night!  Yay!  That’s quick!  The last class is September 13, so the 6 classes will be complete in 6 weeks!

Step 5:  Home Study with $2,000 fee.

The Home Study is considered the thick stack/folder of papers we received at orientation.  When it is completed, then we have two home visits.  We complete this basically on our own schedule (they say on average, it can be completed within 3-4 months).  This includes (but not limited to):  Fingerprinting, background checks, financial statement, tax return history, health insurance verification, medical exam letter and forms, expectations consultation, infant adoption service plan, family history data, self-study, acceptance check-list, reading requirements, psychological evaluations, vaccination history of each household pet…. ETC.

The Orientation was a reality check.  We knew that we would feel like we had to jump through hoops, be transparent and vulnerable….. but after the orientation we really knew.

I guess we wanted a red carpet laid out for us for adoption.  Maybe subconsciously we thought since having a biological child is a struggle for us that maybe our adoption route would be at least a little easier.  Surely it’s only fair to have to struggle just one way or the other, right?!  Not both!?!!

So, honestly, I’m overwhelmed.  I really don’t know how else to explain it. 

Even though we are overwhelmed, this does not at all damper our desire to adopt.  We know we are supposed to be pursuing adoption and cannot wait to meet our baby/child/children.  So regardless of the hoops, appointments, classes, paperwork, feelings of insecurity, etc, we will persevere.

“Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”  ~Romans 5:3-4 NIV

This Friday!

We are very excited about Friday!  It’s the Adoption Orientation!!!!  It’s an all day thing… so can you just IMAGINE how much information we’ll leave with?!  YESSSS!! J

Thankfully, these first few steps of the process are moving rather quickly for us!  We are pumped about that but nervous that we’re getting spoiled to the speediness only to come to a screeching halt in just a little while.  I told Erik just last night….

“Man,.. I can’t wait until Friday, can you?!  This week is going to be torture!” 

No response was needed. 

He looked at me with his sweet, kind eyes and just smiled…. 

Then it hit me…. “Oh crap.  How am I ever going to get through this w h o l e process?!?!”  

I’m all impatient with having to wait ONE week!! That is NOTHING in adoption world time….*sigh*

It. Will. Be. Worth. It.

Side note:  Several people have been asking us if we want a boy or girl, etc.  Here are some very basic things that we are open to….

*0-2 years

*Boy OR Girl (or both)

*Any race

*Multiple births (twins, triplets... we'll take them!)

*Siblings (i.e. If the baby has an older brother or sister, we’d adopt them too!)

There are other more intimate things that you have to select whether or not you’re okay with.  Of course medical, physical, mental concerns, birthparents’ history, etc are some of the categories.  We haven’t gotten to the very detailed paperwork yet about this but are already praying for guidance with those choices that we have to make.

So far we feel extremely calm and have an extraordinary peace about this process.  Sure, I have my moments of freaking out but that’s mainly just when it hits me that this is happening…. That there is a very good chance I will become a mommy in the near future.

Oh my.  It gets me every time.  Let me get some tissues.  ;o)

Happy Monday!!!!  (and may Friday come soon).  J

“My heart is confident in you, O God; my heart is confident.  No wonder I can sing your praises!”  ~Psalm 57:7 NLT