Emotional Day

Although we are STILL waiting to hear that we are “OFFICIALLY” approved and “WAITING”…..  Erik dropped our Family Profiles off at our adoption agency today!! J  I asked that he please “document” the special occasion. 

He respected my wishes!  How sweet.  J

So this was clearly an exciting day!  It was gorgeous out.  It was sunny and 60 degrees!  I mean, come on!  Gorgeous!  I woke up this morning very excited knowing that our profiles would be handed off to our agency and READY for birthmothers to look through them as soon as we’re “approved”.  (Hurry up already!!)  I had a productive work day and even worked with the windows open for most of the day. (One of my favorite things!)

After Erik dropped our books off he texted me the two pictures above.  Tears immediately filled my eyes.  I was so excited and emotional!  I didn’t expect to cry!  I called him and of course insisted on him giving me step by step details of “what happened” when he got there.  Haha!  Silly me.  Erik’s response:  “I gave them the books and they loved them.” 

*Crickets*

I was like- - “I need more than that!!  What’d they say?? Who was there?? Who’d you give the check to??” ETC….  haha!  Bless him.    

Later today, I went to Target to pick up a few things.  I was strolling through the store when I heard a baby cry.  Y’all- - - - this made me ACHE.  Like an empty, hollow ache.  It was the sweetest little cry.  I literally hurt...  From the inside out.  I turned around to see a little bitty baby and a little bitty mommy holding her close.  I smiled at her, fighting back tears.  Of course the baby was adorable.  (What baby isn’t?!)

Each step that I took felt slower than the last.  My mind was starting to wander.  My heart was filled with disappointment and grief.  What in the world?!  Earlier I was so excited to be a step closer to our child….. and in that very moment I was so discouraged and missing our child….. our child that we haven’t met yet.  L    

I’ve had an emotional day to say the least.  Like I said- - the day started out GREAT!  But tonight, here I am, crying over this keyboard mourning the fact that I am not a mother.  *sigh*

Correction:  I am not a mother...  YET. 

If I'm honest with myself, I think a lot of my hurt tonight is stemming from not knowing how much longer we'll have to wait to meet our child....  BUT.....  I need to continue to strive to be more like the "good/noble wife" described in Proverbs 31....

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future."  ~Proverbs 31:25 NLT

Here’s to hoping I get all my tears out tonight and have a POSITIVE day tomorrow!  I am aching for our child.  I love them so much already.  How can you miss someone you’ve never met?!  Well- - it’s possible, folks.  And it stinks.   

As always- - thanks for reading and for your support and encouragement.  I love y’all. 

Sweating the Small Stuff

Our Family Profiles came in this past Tuesday!!  J 

We’ve been working on our Letters to the Birthmother so we could attach them to the profiles.  We want to make sure that our agency has these books from us soon so as soon as we get word that we’re “APPROVED” we can be officially waiting.  (Meaning that we’re available for birthmothers to view while making their selection of an adoptive family).

So our letters are written!!!!  Well, I wrote mine, tweaked it and re-tweaked it.  But NOW it’s done.  J  Erik finished his a couple of nights ago and it’s of course written so eloquently. 

Now my “big dilemma” is how to attach the letters to our books.  My original plan of just attaching them straight to the pages (lying flat) was ruined when we both realized that each of our letters are 2 pages each.  Neither of us can get our letters down to just one page.  This has “required” me staying up super late each night contemplating all of the possible ways to attach the letters to the photobook.  (In case you’re wondering- - the ways are limitless.)  I just made up my mind that a decision had to be made today.  J  I thought for sure I’d just get 2 envelopes, glue the back of each to the pages and insert the letters.  Simple.   Or so I thought.  I couldn’t find cute enough envelopes that would coordinate with the pattern of the pages in the book!  So what would any rational person do in this situation??  Why, watch numerous youtube videos to learn how to MAKE envelopes out of scrapbook paper, of course!  Haha!  I have some mad envelope making skills now, people!  Hahahaha!!

Buuuuut- - these envelopes make the book too thick.  It just doesn’t lay nice and flat.  Hmmph.  So Plan B… well, more like Plan F- - I’ll staple the 2 pages, fold the letter twice (like you’d fold it to insert into a business sized envelope), glue the back of the 2^nd page to the book, attach Velcro pieces to the ends of the folds to close the letter and I’m embellishing them each with “his” and “hers” stickers and flowers.  J  I’m super excited and will post a picture when it’s complete.  I have to print the letters tomorrow on cardstock or at least some kind of thicker paper than normal….. then I can finish this project!!

Okay- - so while I’m “sweating the small stuff”- - Erik is as laid back as ever.  He lays his head down at night without a care, trusting God’s timing and not questioning for a single moment that we may make some “error” in our “presentation” of ourselves.  Bless his sweet little heart.  I love that man. 

Tonight, I decided to read through each of our letters again and I just have to share with y’all a couple of statements from Erik’s letter to the birthmother:

“This is such an important decision you are making for yourself and your baby, and we thank you for efforts in seeking the best possible life for your child. … I am confident that your child is going to be well-cared for and, most importantly, well-loved by the couple you choose.”

He said lots of other super great things but this especially resonated with me.  “well-loved by the couple you choose.”  He didn’t choose to say - well-loved by US!  Such a sweet, simple reminder that this is NOT just about US bringing our baby home.  There are babies that need loving homes.  There are wonderful families waiting to welcome a child into their homes.  We cannot forget that while God is creating these precious children, he a l r e a d y knows who his/her parents are going to be.  It really does not depend on envelopes, embellishments or stickers.  J

“Don’t sweat the small stuff…. And it’s all small stuff.”  ~Richard Carlson

Family Profiles!

After hours and hours of sorting through pictures……. We have ordered our family profiles!!!!!!!!  Hallelujah!!!!  (*sighs of relief) J

Guidelines

*4-8 pages of color pictures (can be front and back)

*Warm, informal candid shots

*Current Pictures

*Picture of your home (outside, inside, nursery- or where the nursery will be)

*Pictures of pets

*Provide agency with 4 profiles

*Use pictures as a way to present you, your interests, hobbies, vacations.

*Picture only people you can identify

The guidelines weren’t nearly as restrictive as we thought they would be.  (We’re thankful for that!!  It was hard enough as it was!!)  I will say- - I am SO sick of looking at pictures of myself!! Haha! J

Having to order 4 Profiles was a lot- - but we’re VERY thankful for those of you that so graciously gave us coupon codes!  They helped!  J  Thank you!!

Here's the picture on the last page of our profiles:

So what’s next you may ask?????? 

The Letters to the Birthparents!!!! 

This feels pretty overwhelming at times but then again, I’ve been thinking about and praying for the birthmother for so long that I’m hoping it will feel like writing to a friend.  J  The letters have to be attached to the profiles so we left a couple of blank pages at the beginning.  We plan to have the letters written in a few days so we can attach them to the books once they ship to us.  J

We’re getting there my friends!  Almost to that Waiting List!! J  Thanks for your prayers!!!!

Last Interview!!

We had our last adoption interview yesterday!!!!!! J  Our caseworker came to our house at 9am and left around 10am.  I made sausage balls and coffee this time.  (She just had coffee.) J

I guess this was technically our “Service Plan Meeting” because that was the main topic of discussion.  Our Service Plan is a long list of different things relating to the child and the birthparents.  We had to fill this out in all of our paperwork a few months ago indicating what we are open to when it comes to adopting a child.  It covers the child’s heritage, birthmother’s history, birthfather’s history, medical conditions, etc.  We had to mark “Yes”, “No” or “Will Consider” on each item.

Anyway, this meeting was super easy because we just discussed that we know this is in God’s hands so we feel uncomfortable “closing doors” by checking “No”.  God knows who our child is, who the birthparents are and whoever our child is……  Is a perfect fit for all of us!!!! J

(*We did mark “No” on the HIV option.  L  When we first filled the Service Plan out, we had to skip this question and come back to it in tears.  We had a hard time saying no to this because it’s not the child’s fault.  Since we hope to have more children in the future, we felt we had to say no.  L )

Our caseworker already has a rough draft of our Home Study done!!  J  She let us read over it yesterday to see if there was anything inaccurate in it.  It looked gooooooooooooooood to us!!  When we got to the end, she had a statement of something like, “It is recommended for Erik and Mallory to be approved…” and Erik said, “That’s all I needed to see!!”  J 

She left and Erik and I gave each other the biggest bear hug ever!  J  We are SO close to getting on that Waiting List!!!!!!!!! J

We’re working on our Family Profile:  We’ve gone through all of our pictures (hundreds and hundreds of pictures!!) and narrowed it down to 200 or so.  We will narrow this group down too but getting this far is a feat within itself!! J  We’re almost to the point of putting the book together!! YAY!!!!  Our goal is to get them ordered in the next couple of days!  (This is super time consuming!!) 

We will write our letters to the birthmother after we order our books.  We’re leaving a couple of blank pages in the front of the book so we can attach our letters to those pages.

Thanks again for following us along this journey and praying with us!!  J  Happy Weekend!!

Individual Interviews!

 





We snapped this picture after we had our individual interviews last night!! 

They were a breeze just like the home visit!!  J  Praise God!!!!

 

We met our caseworker at her office and I went first.  My interview took almost an hour and a half.  Clearly- I’m a talker and had no problem giving her lots of details with every question she asked.  She asked lots of personal questions about me, my marriage, my family, etc.  We laughed a lot and I felt as if we were establishing a friendship.  J

 

Erik went after me and his interview was only about 45 minutes.  J  haha!  We are so different.

By the way, our caseworker loves us!  YAYYYY!!!!  I mean, that is WONDERFUL considering she’s writing our home study!!!!  J  She said that she thinks it’s so sweet how highly we speak of one another, that having a marriage as positive, loving and respectful as ours is a rarity and that we should write a book.  Haha!  She stated again that she thinks we will make wonderful parents!  J  J  J  J  YAY!!  Bless her.

Oh- - and guess what?!  (I don’t think you’re ready for this……….)

Our LAST interview is THIS FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!  She’s coming to our house for it!  (Erik was like- - “oh no…. does this mean we have to clean all over again?!” hahahahaha)  We’ll just “straighten up”.  J

Erik and I have been busy sorting through pictures to put in our Family Profile for the birthmothers to look through.  They ask that you only have 4-8 pages of pictures (front and back).  It’s hard narrowing the pictures down!  (We take lots of pictures!)  We want to include a good variety but at the same time don’t want to cram in too many pictures on a page and overwhelm the folks looking through them!

(Our agency didn’t give us the guidelines for the Family Profile until last Thursday.  They told us at Orientation (back in August) that they didn’t want us stressing over it because we had plenty of paperwork and appointments to complete before working on the Profile.  Well- - ‘thanks a lot agency.  Since you’ve waited until NOW to give it to us- - I’m STRESSED about it!’  Grrrr….) 

We need to have these Profiles made, ordered and shipped to us by the time our home study is back approved so we don’t have to wait on them to get on the Waiting list!

Oh- - and the most important part of the Profile- - We each have to write a letter to the birthmother.  Wow.  We’re working on that.  Talk about pouring your heart into something.  Sheesh.    

As always, thank you for your encouragement and prayers.  I can’t wait to get our baby home and introduce y’all to him/her/them!  J 

“When we put our cares in His hands, He puts His peace in our hearts.”  ~Author unknown   

Tomorrow!!

Our next step in this adoption process is our individual interviews.  They were scheduled for this coming Friday.  Well- guess what?!

We got an email this morning from our caseworker.  She said that her schedule was flexible and asked if we’d rather meet earlier in the week.  So- - we’re meeting TOMORROW evening instead of Friday!!!!  YAY!!!!  She also said that we’d be happy to know that she’s already started working on our home study!!  YAYYYY!!!!!  (I think I’m going to love this girl.  I hope she keeps this up!!)  J

To put things into perspective, here are the steps we’ve COMPLETED so far:

1. Preliminary Application- Approved

2. Formal Application- Approved

3. Orientation

4. 8 Adoption Classes/Trainings

5. Physicals/Blood work/TB tests

6. Fingerprinting

7. Police Background Checks

8. Psychological Evaluations

9. Vaccinations for Pets

10. Home Study Paperwork

11. Expectations Consultation at agency

12. In-home visit

Here are the things we have LEFT before we can be on the WAITING LIST!

1. Individual Interviews (happening TOMORROW- - MONDAY!!)

2. Couple Interview

3. Caseworker finishes Home Study and it’s approved- - THEN WE ARE “WAITING”!!!!

Can you believe it?!?!  We’re ALMOST officially WAITING!!!!  I can hardly stand it!!!! J

Have a wonderful week, friends!!  Thanks for your prayers and support as always!!     

“The Lord is good. His love is forever, and his loyalty goes on and on.”  Psalm 100:5 NCV

HOME VISIT!!

Today was the eagerly awaited home visit! 

Although the house was “clean enough” to start with last night - - for some reason I found it necessary to repeatedly clean, mop, dust, vacuum and spot clean the carpet until the wee hours of the morning long after Erik went to bed.  Around 2:45am I got a shower, put my hair in sock buns to have bouncy curls in the morning and finally passed out around 3:30am from pure exhaustion. 

The following is the sequence of events from this morning.

Caseworker’s ETA (estimated time of arrival)= 8:00am

6:30 – jumped out of bed going 90 to nothing

6:33 – croissants: separate, unroll, dollop of jelly, roll, seal, roll again, place in oven

6:38 – dash to bathroom: brush teeth, apply foundation

6:47 – notice Erik in bed.  Lovingly remind him to get up.  J

6:48 – kitchen: remove croissants from oven, drizzle honey, powder to perfection, display on decorative plate  (*briefly pause to admire presentation of handiwork J )

7:02 – come back to senses;  realize I have less than 1 hr before CW arrives!

7:03 – “What am I gonna wear?!”  

7:04 – bathroom: eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara, blush, bronzer, lip gloss, powder

7:19 – Erik enters, lumbers past me, STARTS getting ready.  (Advise him yet again- - we need a bigger bathroom!)

7:20 – “ok- - must decide what to wear.”

7:21 – Spray hair to retain curls

7:23 – See Erik nervously eyeing To Do List.  Erik’s mission: take out trash, windex mirrors, light candles.

7:24 – “Shoot!  What AM I wearing?!?! :  Leggings, tall boots… no, too casual.  Long pants, high heels… too pretentious?  Short pants, flats… too stumpy!!  Medium length pants, short boot, short heel… ahh, just right.  J  Now, what shirt? Colorful yet mature- not drab.  Hot pink turtleneck… no, too bright.  Gray sweater… no! too drab!  Silky maroon turtleneck with black drape cardigan vest… Yesss!!  Oh wait- - What earrings?!  Hoops, dangles, hoops, dangles…??”

7:36 – bathroom:  unroll sock buns, separate curls, fluff hair

7:42 – kitchen: grab coffee, measure, scoop, add water, brew

7:44 – rush from room to room taking pictures for posterity

7:51 – “Oh wait!!.... earrings!  HOOPS!!”

7:53 – Snap pics with Erik

7:58 – Heightened senses from adrenaline registers sound of car door shutting outside…….  SHE HAS ARRIVED!!

When our caseworker first stepped inside she said, “Wow!  Your home is so welcoming!” 

J  YESSSS!!  SCORE!!  J 

She was very sweet and smiley. J  First, we sat in the living area to talk.  She asked us several questions, all of which we’ve already answered in our paperwork (that we turned in in November).  After over an hour of talking, she moved on to her “Safety Checklist”.  Now was the time for her to tour our house! 

(I’m telling you people- - she was glancing in every room.  I wanted her to inspect the rooms!  I mean- - please notice that we got all of the dust bunnies out of every nook and cranny!) 

After a very brief tour, she asked, “Do you have smoke detectors?”

We said, “yes- in every room except the bathrooms” and asked if she wanted Erik to push the test button on one.

She said, “No, that’s okay.  I see the green light on that one.” 

(What you do not understand is that Erik spent quite some time earlier this week working on the smoke detector in the hallway- - that she did not see- - because it was NOT working.  He managed to get it to work- - YAY ERIK!!- - and she didn’t even check it!  Shame on her. J ) 

She asked if we had a fire extinguisher and we proudly showed her that we had it stored under the kitchen sink. 

After a couple of random questions about who supplies our water, she cheerfully said, “Well okay!  That’s it!”  

Whaaaaaaaat?????

We were shocked and I said, “Are you serious?!” 

She chuckled and said, “yep!  That’s it!” 

I said, “Surely you need to look in a closet or something!?” 

She laughed and assured me that she covered everything. 

1. We scheduled individual interviews with her for next Friday, January 13.

2. After that, we’ll have another interview with her together. 

3. She said after that she’ll compile all of the information she gathers and should have our home study written in a couple of weeks. 

4. Once it’s written, she hands it off to the Clinical Supervisor at our adoption agency.  Once it’s approved by her- - THEN we will be on the WAITING LIST!!!!

(Oh!- - She took a croissant to GO!  Didn’t even drink coffee or anything while she was here!)  *sigh

She came back to our house later today because she left her coat here.  (Erik had already left for work).  She came in and we chatted a bit more.  She said, “I think you both will make wonderful parents!”  YAY!!!!  J  She assured me that she’d do all she could to make our process move smoothly from here.  Bless her.  So nice. 

And that was our day- - in a fairly large nutshell!  J  (Sorry for the long post!)

THANKS AGAIN for all of your prayers, encouragement and support.  Every call, text, message, email, etc. means so much.  Thank you. 

One BIG step is behind us now!! Let’s keep going!!  WOO HOO!!!!  J 

**During these next few weeks, we’ll be working on our family profile!!  (aka- - scrapbook type book for the birthmothers to look through while they’re selecting the adoptive parents).  I just got the list from our agency today with how many pictures of what can be included, etc.  I’ve got to look at that breakdown more carefully and get to work!  J  Also- - Erik and I both will include separate letters to the birthmother.  Wow.  That’s going to be tough.  I’ll be blogging about that.  J

Two Days, Folks!

Our Home Visit is THIS Thursday at 8am!!!!  You know how you feel when you have a project due for work or school or something and you just kind of freeze- - not knowing where to start?!?!  Well…. That’s me right now. 

I’ve been organizing the house for over a month so that’s done.  Also- - I must say that the house is pretty clean.  We’ve entertained a few nights over the past couple of weeks so we cleaned a little extra for that.  All of the “maintaining” type of cleaning will have to wait and be done Wednesday night (dusting, vacuuming, mopping).  I just feel like I should be cleaning nonstop and I’m not! ….. Oh- - I am going to clean the carpets tonight!  J  I wanted to paint the shutters and touch up some of the trim but Erik reminded me that they will NOT be worried about slightly faded shutters or chipped trim.  (cue nervous laughter… hahahaha) 

Oh- - and our Christmas decorations are still up!  J  I've been thinking I'd bake cookies or something for the caseworker but with her coming at 8am I'm thinking muffins or jelly croissants of some sort.  It'll just make it that much more welcoming and warm, right?!  J

“Treasure your home.  Make it sweet to see, hear, smell, taste, feel.  Sharing your home with others is one of life’s great joys.  Even angels like to visit other people’s homes.” ~Gloria Gaither

I emailed the adoption agency and asked for a checklist of some sort so we could know what to expect at this visit.  They emailed me back and apparently this visit is only about 1 and ½ hours and is primarily a “safety check”.  We have to make sure that we have working smoke detectors, a fire extinguisher and a carbon monoxide detector.  The caseworker will also assess our neighborhood, community resources (schools, recreation, religious, medical, etc) and we’ll talk about our file (the paperwork we already submitted).  They did not include child safety locks or electrical outlet covers on that checklist but we’ll get some just to have….. You know- - show a little extra effort/readiness.  J

I can’t believe that our Home Visit is basically here!  It’s in two days, folks!!  YAY!!  It feels like we’ve waited so long for this to be scheduled but really- - when I look at the timeline it’s not been that long.  J  We attended our 1^st Adoption Orientation on August 5, 2011!!  And only 5 MONTHS later, we’re to one of the final steps before we’re placed on the waiting list!!  PRAISE GOD!!!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your continued prayers!!  Let’s continue praying our sweet angel baby HOME!!!!!!!!!!!

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” ~ I Thessalonians 5:16-18 ESV