I was trying to wait to write another post until we had some good news. I really wish I had some good news to share with you today. I do not. L
We are still just waiting to wait. Erik and I have decided that as soon as we get officially “approved” and are “waiting” that we will start painting the baby’s room and shopping for baby furniture! J (We’ve already started pricing things!!) J
We are apparently “so close” to be officially waiting- - aka “available” for birthparents to choose us.
I am very discouraged that these last little steps are d r a g g i n g by.
January 5: Home Visit
January 9: Individual Interviews with CW1.
January 13: Last interview with CW1.
January 23: CW1 still waiting on system log-in.
February 5: CW1 received log-in information for our agency’s system.
February 10: CW1 finished submitting our Home Study to the Director.
February 16: CW1 said that the Director is making some minor changes to our Home Study- “nothing of content, just for clarity’s sake”.
February 23: CW1 received Home Study back from Director to make some revisions herself.
February 27: CW1 said her computer wasn’t merging some of our paperwork correctly so she’s working on that and will “have it back to the Director within a few days.”
*sighhhh… Why does every. single. thing. have to take “a few days”????
Logically I know that all of this doesn’t matter. That God knows who our child is and no computer glitch is going to make us “miss our chance” at adopting our child/children.
But STILL. *sighhhh…. “Knowing” that doesn’t make it hurt less.
I am way past ready to be a mom.
Pregnancies and babies are alllllll around me. I’m talking strangers, friends, colleagues, etc. I’ve had a rough month and the past few days have been especially rough. I've been asking God lots of questions. I’m at a point where I just don’t understand. I know that God is putting certain people and certain circumstances in my path for a reason….. I just don’t know that reason right now.
Music is my friend and great therapy at this point in my life. J Here are a couple of songs (and some of the lyrics) that bring lots of comfort to me:
Whatever You’re Doing by Sanctus Real
“Whatever you’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You’re up to something bigger than me
Larger than life, something heavenly”
Strong Enough by Matthew West
"I know I’m not strong enough to be
Everything that I’m supposed to be
I give up
I’m not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I’m asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough, for the both of us.
Cause I’m broken
Down to nothing
But I’m still holding on to the one thing
You are God
And You are strong
When I am weak”
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