For as long as I can remember, my 3 dreams/goals in life have been:
1.) To be happily married
2.) To be a mom
3.) To be a singer
God said YES to number 1! Yay! :o) I am incredibly blessed to be married to a wonderful, godly man.
I followed my dream of being a singer for a while after high school (had a manager, traveled, etc), during college (auditions, performing in bands) and so forth. I prayerfully took steps that I felt were led by God and went places I felt led to go. After 10 long years of pursuing my dream……
God told me NO.
Do you even understand how heartbreaking that was for me? I felt like- “Come on! Really?! Are you sure?! After all this time?! Why not?!” I felt upset, disappointed and angry at God. And I had/have my ways of coping. Not that they’re the “right” ways, they’re just my ways. I thought of possibilities of why God would have said no. (Maybe I wouldn’t have met Erik? Maybe I couldn’t withstand the pressures of fame? Maybe I would’ve fallen into some temptations that would’ve ruined my life?) Of course I’d like to think I have more confidence in who I am in Christ and believe none of those things are true. But it’s easier for me to think about those things being a possibility rather than have pent-up anger against my God, Who is so loving and faithful.
So, do you see where I am? Why struggling with getting pregnant is sometimes overwhelming and terribly scary for me? Out of my 3 dreams/goals….. God has said YES to one and NO to one. That leaves one more- - To be a mom. What will His answer be to that? It could be yes. Or it could be no. And no matter what….. I have to be okay with it.
“I say this because I know what I am planning for you," says the Lord. "I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future.” ~Jeremiah 29:11 NCV
I have some not-so-happy moments. I sometimes cry myself to sleep. At times, I do not want to be around people because I’m busy having a pity party for one. Some days I’m too numb to cry. Other days, it seems all I want to do is cry. But among all bad things, God is good and blessings come out of every single situation.
Mallory-I know how hard it is but the journey to get there is full of great rewards in itself. God has a plan not only to make you a mother but he wants something even more for you and is using your journey to get you to that point. Trust me when he gives you your request it is going to be that much sweeter.
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