Confessions

In some recent and not-so-recent conversations with friends, I’ve heard the following in regards to me trying to conceive….

“I think about you often but don’t want to ask how you’re doing to avoid making you upset.”

“I hate to talk about my kids in front of you because I don’t want to make you sad.”

“Does it bother you to see pregnant women?”

“Does it make you sad to hold my baby?”

“I was hesitant to tell you I was pregnant.”

I want to openly answer these questions… and then some because I feel the need to honestly express where I stand on all of this.  Please, do not be offended by anything I say.  I hope nothing comes out wrong….. 

So.... here are my answers and some “confessions.”

*Trying to conceive is always on my mind.  I want you to ask me how I am.  I need you to ask.  If I’m having a crazy low day, I will let you know that I don’t want to talk.  Chances are though; you simply asking me how I am will make me feel better.

*I want you to feel comfortable talking about your children to me.  I think your stories and your kids are precious.  No offense, but it’s not your kids that I want.  I want my own. ;o)

*I think pregnant women are adorable.  Baby bellies have always been so sweet to me.

*Sometimes it does seem like the majority of the population is pregnant and that just makes the fact that I want to be and am not more in my face.  That doesn’t mean that I don’t want others to get pregnant, though.  Again, I don’t want their pregnancies or their babies… I want my own.

*It does not make me sad to hold your babies.  I LOVE holding babies!  I don’t think anything would ever change that.  A child is a perfect, innocent, angelic miracle that is a direct gift from God.  How could one NOT love to love on that?!

*Please don’t be hesitant to share such exciting news as your pregnancies with me.  I want to rejoice with you.

*Some days I can feel sorry for myself because it seems that others get pregnant so “easily” so why does it have to be so hard for me?

*When every other female I pass at the grocery store is pregnant and I start to feel sorry for myself, I have to remind myself that it’s not like God has “this many babies” that He’s handing out and these women that I’m seeing are lessening my chances of conceiving.

*Some days I especially feel sorry for myself when I come in contact with a woman that’s pregnant AND has a child…. or two…. or three….  It’s easy for me to think- - “she already has some kids and I’m just asking for at least ONE!  JUST ONE!! COME ON!”

But I cannot be jealous of what others have. 

I have to work at it. 

And sometimes it’s very hard.

“We must not be proud or make trouble with each other or be jealous of each other.” ~ Galations 5:26 NCV

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud.” ~ I Corinthians 13: 4 NCV

“Rid yourselves of all evil, all lying, hypocrisy, jealousy, and evil speech.” ~ I Peter 2:1 NCV

“Where jealousy and selfishness are, there will be confusion and every kind of evil.” ~ James 3:16 NCV

“Wait and trust the Lord. Don't be upset when others get rich or when someone else's plans succeed.  Don't get angry.  Don't be upset; it only leads to trouble.” ~ Psalm 37:7-8 NCV

“A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” ~ Proverbs 14:30 NIV

Thank you for reading.  It feels good to get all of that off of my chest.  As always, prayers are welcomed and very much appreciated!! :o)