Calling the Director
*I called the director of our adoption agency on Wednesday 02/08, 10:30am: left voicemail.
*I called again on Thursday 02/09, 2pm: left voicemail.
*She called me back on Friday, 02/10 at 2pm.
~She basically defended CW2 and apologized that we “felt that way” after explaining how hurtful her choice of words were. (Not an apology….. grr..) She went on to say that CW2 wasn’t saying that SHE thought we were selfish or desperate- - just that she was afraid the birthmothers may think that. Got it. BUT WHO SAYS THOSE WORDS to someone in such a vulnerable, emotional position?! Why don’t they get it?! Ugh.
~I asked her if she looked at our books and she had. I asked her what she thought of our letters. (Remember: one thing on their full page of requirements for the letters is to TELL YOUR STORY). She said that what CW2 was trying to get at is that our story is just pretty sad. She said that it would just be a lot of emotion for the birthmother to try to handle while she’s reading the letters. (I can see where she’s coming from….. but I can’t help that our story is “sad”. L *sigh)
What We're Going To Do
*Our original plan was to request another CW. BUT with all of the turnover lately, we’re afraid that everyone is overloaded with work. We figured it would make matters worse (assuming the request would get back to CW2) if both CWs have full caseloads, we requested a new CW and they couldn’t change us. So- - we’re staying with CW2, I suppose.
*Erik and I decided we were NOT going to change the last picture/page. We spent a lot of time on that and poured our hearts into it. If the birthmother thinks it’s selfish and doesn’t “get it” then we aren’t for her and she isn’t for us.
*We did decide that we could shorten Erik’s letter some. It is a one full page now (instead of 1 ½) and we only took out some minor details (i.e. some dates, etc.). Our complete story is still there, though. Because it’s OUR story. We added this statement near the beginning of Erik’s letter to try to “explain” the reason for our detail…. (So hopefully we won’t appear “desperate” for crying out loud)….
~“We want nothing more than for you to experience an overwhelming sense of peace in your decision so we want to share as much of ourselves with you as possible. We hope that our letters give you a glimpse of who we are, where we’ve been and our hopes for the future.”
Talking With CW2
*I emailed our revisions to CW2 on Friday and asked her to let me know what she thought. She emailed back and said we could drop our profiles back off whenever we were ready. (By the way- - Erik was so upset with the "selfish/desperate" conversation that he went that same day on his lunch break to pick up our books.)
~Soooo- - I called her. I asked her specifically what she thought of our letters- if they were better. She said, “They’re fine.” I paused…. And said, “no, really. Do you think we need to change something else?” She said, “They’re fine.” I was not okay with that response.
~To make a long story short, we hashed it out. Not aggressively- - just honestly. I told her how I felt and about some of our disappointments along the way with the agency. I told her that I talked to the director earlier about everything. I said that it wasn’t her fault that we’ve felt pretty much “on our own” and maybe that’s part of why I took her “critique” so personally. I explained the obvious to her: that she’s read all about us and may feel like she knows us well but she’s a stranger to us. We agreed that we have complete opposite personalities. She said she’s just a blunt, realistic person and does not sugar coat things. (clearly!) She said that normally she lets her families know that up front but our situation is different since we worked with our contracted CW first. Anyway, she vented some about her frustrations over how they’re doing things differently now, the turnover, etc. She apologized for us having a chaotic/non-structured experience this far. We kind of bonded for a split second over all of that. I said, “Well surely we can be friends after all this.” She laughed and said, “What are you talking about?! I’m already your friend!” I said, “Well then maybe I’ll be yours.” We both laughed. J
*She definitely said some things that rubbed me wrong even in our long conversation trying to “mend things”. It’s going to take me a minute to get adjusted to her personality and it may take me a little bit- - but I’m determined to like this girl. Surely I will. J Even though it's easier to blame CW2 for "choosing" harsh words- - I'm trying to remind myself (repeatedly) that I have a CHOICE in this too. I can choose to be bitter at her but I am going to choose LOVE.
(I made the revision to our profiles today and was going to tell y’all about that….. but this post is way too long already! I’ll write about that tomorrow.) J
Thank you so much for loving us and for your kind words, support and prayers!
Here's to a great week, friends! Let's forgive and love each other to pieces!!
"God has chosen you and made you his holy people. He loves you. So you should always clothe yourselves with mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other, and forgive each other. If someone does wrong to you, forgive that person because the Lord forgave you. Even more than all this, clothe yourself in love. Love is what holds you all together in perfect unity. Let the peace that Christ gives control your thinking, because you were all called together in one body to have peace. Always be thankful." ~Colossians 3:12-15 NCV
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