*Gasp!

Update from last night’s post:

(By the way- - apparently since our CW was contracted out to do the homestudy part, once it's "approved" our case will be handed off to CW2).

I called CW2 this morning at 10am.  I couldn’t stand just waiting on her to call to tell us what we needed to change in our Family Profiles. 

She hemmed and hawed and seemed so hesitant to just SAY IT ALREADY.  She said that she hadn’t called me yet because she wanted to “get her thoughts together”.  At this point I’m ESPECIALLY thinking WHAT IN THE WORLD?!?!

Just to get to the point- - - - she finally got around to saying that the last picture of me and Erik may come across as “selfish” to the birthmothers.  *gasp!*  SELFISH?!?!  Did she really just say that?!?!  (yes, yes she did).

Here’s the page that she’s referring to:

She said that the birthmothers may look at “Help Make Our Heart Complete” and think- - “what about my heart??”

Whaaaaaaat?!?! 

We understand that it is of course a difficult decision to choose an adoption plan for the child you give birth to.  BUT our thought was that she may find peace in knowing that through her unfortunate heartache, she is blessing another couple with great joy!  Well, according to CW2, that just comes across as SELFISH.  L 

She suggested that we just take that last page out.  Okay.  That can’t happen.  First of all, there’s a back to that page that’s full of pictures.  AND- - the group shots of our families HAVE to stay!!  Ugh…. 

Secondly (and lastly)- - CW2 said that our letters to the birthmothers were too long.  The guidelines said that each letter was to be 1-2 pages (preferably 1).  They are each 1 and ½ pages.  I told her in order to include EVERYTHING that was on their long list of things to include in the letter- - it was nearly impossible for us to have shorter letters.  She went on (hemming and hawing) and finally said that we were very detailed about our journey to adoption (when we started trying to conceive, how we began praying about adoption, etc) and that the birthmothers probably will not care about that detail and may perceive  the "timeline” as us being “desperate”.  *double gasp!*  DESPERATE?!?!  Did she really just say THAT?!?!  (oh yeah, she sure did).

I was holding it together pretty well until that moment.  I was silent.  It was awkward for a few seconds.  Then she said, "Do you know what I mean?"  I was silent.  Finally I said something like- - "You know- this whole process is just frustrating."  She asked, "What do you mean?"  ...........  Well, she asked......... So I told her exactly what I meant....

I said, "We were given guidelines and cut loose to complete these books.  We spent hours and hours... no- - DAYS and DAYS on these letters and books.  We poured our HEARTS into every. single. aspect. of the profiles.  No one followed up with us about them.  No one had any input WHILE we were working on them.  But AFTER all of the time, effort, heart and emotion that we poured into them...... THEN we're told - - they're not good enough.  It was reiterated throughout the guidelines to make sure that we were creative and made sure that our personalities were shining through.  And now we're told that our books and letters make us look selfish and desperate."  (Unfortunately, I was crying at this point.)  L

And here is where she tried back pedaling.  (I despise back pedaling).  She said something like- - "Oh, no, no, no.  I'm sorry that is what you heard."  

I said, "That's what I heard because you actually SAID the words selfish and desperate."  And, CW2 said, "These are only suggestions.  I'm just suggesting that you make the changes.  You dont have to.  And if you don't, it won't hurt my feelings and I won't hold it against you of course.  I will still go to bat for you guys like I do for all of the other families." 

First off- I'm so glad that HER feelings aren't going to be hurt if we don't change our profiles.  Meanwhile, my feelings are waaaaay beyond hurt.  I feel personally attacked.  I just do.

Also- uhm....  I have a problem with "I will still go to bat for you guys like I do for all of the other families."  GO TO BAT?!  What in the world.  I was under the impression (actually a very CLEAR message was given at Orienation back in August) that there was no "going to bat" for families.  That we were all on an "even playing field".  That the birthmothers chose the adoptive families based on their PROFILES. 

*sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I was so excited about our profiles and now I feel super insecure about them.  I talked/cried to my mom earlier and she helped.  A LOT.  Moms always do, right? J

I do plan on calling the director tomorrow.  Clearly, we got off on the WRONG foot with CW2.  She has made a terrible impression on us and has offended us beyond words.  

I will keep you posted.  And thank you for your prayers.