What IS fair?

Life isn’t fair. 

But praise God, right?  If we always got what was “fair” or what we “deserved” we would be a mess.  We are sinners and only by God’s grace are we abundantly blessed.

“You have been saved by grace through believing. You did not save yourselves; it was a gift from God.”  ~ Ephesians 2:8 NCV

Forgive me while my thoughts are kind of all over the place.  This post may not make a lot of sense or be very organized.  It’s just where I am at the moment….  I am overwhelmed and stressed out….

Okay……

I don’t “deserve” the wonderful husband I have.  I don’t “deserve” to have such a supportive, loving family or to have such precious Christian friends.  I don’t “deserve” a job I love, a nice home, car, belongings, etc. 

But do I feel like it’s “fair” or that I “deserve” to have to struggle with getting pregnant?  Or to have to WAIT so long to be a mom? 

Well,…….. honestly……….. no. 

I know that doesn’t make very much sense when I know that none of us “deserve” or are “worthy” of anything.  That’s the beauty of God’s love for us.  

“But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit…” ~ Titus 3:4-5 NIV

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” ~James 1:17 NIV

We have so many things in our lives that we’re grateful for…. So why is it that the ONE thing we want and don’t have can completely consume us?!  :o(

“Lord, you know everything I want; my cries are not hidden from you. My heart pounds and my strength is gone…” ~Psalm 38:9-10 NCV. 

Sometimes it hits me how long it’s been that we’ve desired… I mean really, deeply desired to be parents.  Besides the fact that we’ve always known we wanted to be parents…. We’ve been trying since 2009. 

We are moving forward with adoption after feeling God leading us in that direction.  We are in the very early stages of this process and are excited about it.  But I must admit …… we are scared.  We’re scared we’ll have to wait as long or longer for our adopted child as we are on our biological child. 

There are so many uncertainties in this situation.  We’re trying to get pregnant….. Who knows how long we’ll have to wait?……..  We’re diving into the adoption world and are hearing horror stories about lots of people waiting for yearsssss…….  Who knows how long we’ll have to wait?….  Again,… a lot of uncertainties. 

But among these uncertainties remain a few things that Erik and I are confident about.

I want to be a mommy.  Erik wants to be a daddy.  We want to be parents. 

We want an adopted child. 

We want a biological child.

We do not care what order.

I KNOW this is where my faith needs to be kicking in….. and it will….. I’m just having a moment……  Your prayers are appreciated.

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”  ~Hebrews 11:1 NKJV

“Now this is the confidence we have before Him: whenever we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.  And if we know that He hears whatever we ask, we know that we have what we have asked Him for.”  ~I John 5:14-15 HCSB

Thanks for reading.  ♥