Change

I love how all of the leaves are changing to beautiful bright colors!  Each fall season I can never decide if the orange or red leaves are my favorite.  J 

The past couple of days I’ve found myself reflecting a lot on change in general.  You know that quote:  “The only thing constant in life is change”?  That is very true about lots of things.  I change a lot myself.   My priorities change, my friendships change, my goals and desires change, my perspective changes, etc. 

My moods/emotions are ever changing about everything, especially our adoption process.  I think change is good, but it can also be exhausting. 

We recently explored another adoption agency to “just see” what they were like.  They were basically the very opposite of our current agency.  They promise a shorter wait time (which is OF COURSE super appealing) and seem like a great company……  BUT they turn away 90% of the birthmothers that come to them (to ensure they place only healthy babies). 

We just couldn’t shake that.  This company basically says that we could adopt a baby in about 5 months.  WOW.  We. Want. Our. Baby. SOON!!!!  BUT- - - - - -  it is not about us.  It is not about us.  It is not about us.  ……….  (We have to remind ourselves of that a lot).  It is not JUST about US getting OUR baby.  It’s about taking care of the birthmother TOO.  It’s about accepting any child that God has planned for us.  It’s about following the path that GOD wants us to take. 

We’re glad we talked to this other company.  It really just confirmed in our minds that we’re where we need to be.  Also, we cannot ignore God’s provision for us thus far.  The amounts of money that we’ve received have been so specific to the fees associated with our current adoption agency.  He’s made it clear to us that we’re where we’re supposed to be….. so……….. we are moving forward. 

We have our Expectations Consultation this Friday with our current agency and will then be waiting for them to schedule our home visits.  After our home visits are completed and our home study is “approved” THEN we will be placed on the official waiting list!

I’m happy that we’re not changing adoption agencies.  I’ve always thought I was okay with change but lately it kind of stresses me out.  We’ve “changed” where we worship (aka church) and that was a big deal to me.  Today Erik mentioned “changing” banks and I was like- - “ohhhhhhh…… uhmmmmm.. that stresses me out..….”  He looked at me like I was crazy…  Then I realized I was.  Haha!

You know what I find great comfort in?  That our Lord does not change!!!!!!!!  J 

"I the Lord do not change…”  Malachi 3:6 NCV

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.”  Hebrews 13:8 NCV     

And a few wonderful reminders:

“The Lord is kind and does what is right; our God is merciful.”  Psalm 116:5 NCV

 “God… does not want anyone to be lost, but he wants all people to change their hearts and lives.”  2 Peter 3:9 NCV

“…God is love.”  I John 4:8 NCV

Ahhhhhh……..  Thank you, Jesus.  J

Good things!!

“Good things come to those who wait.” 

We’ve been waiting and good things have come our way and we trust they’re going to continue coming!! J (AKA- - come on little sweet baby!!)

*We’ve been praying and waiting forEVER (it feels) for Erik to get a promotion in his “field” (accounting)….. and GUESS WHAT?!?!?!?!?!  On Friday, October 7- - - - HE GOT A PROMOTION!!!!!!!!  PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!

*We’ve prayed for over a year for God to reveal to us how we can use our musical talents to grow God’s Kingdom…… and GUESS WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  On Sunday, October 2- - - - HE OPENED A DOOR FOR US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (More details on this to come later)….  PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!!

*We were anxiously awaiting our Adoption Benefit Dinner on October 8 hoping to raise ½ of the birthmother fee that is due before we can get on the waiting list for our child……..  and GUESS WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  WE WERE BLESSED WITH RAISING THE ENTIRE FEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (Like- - almost exactly!!  - - only $5 over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” Ephesians 3:20 NLT

We are overwhelmed with all of these blessings that are being heaped on us!!  J  God is revealing His love to us through so many of YOU and we are overjoyed.  The generosity, support, love and encouragement from you all is awe-inspiring.  I really don’t have enough words to express our gratitude.  THANK YOU!!!!!!

Our next step is waiting for our home visits to be completed.  We are now at the mercy of our agency as to how fast we move forward from here.  Once our home study/visits are complete, then approved, we can officially be placed on THE waiting list.  

Meanwhile, we’ll continue saving for the placement fee (which is the bulk of what we’ll owe).  This is due when our adoption is finalized….. (in other words- - when our sweet baby is in our hands!!!!!!!!) J 

So- - that’s about it in our neck of the woods!  Lots of good, good stuff going on.  Ahhhhh….  Thank you, Jesus!! J  And thank YOU all for remembering us in your prayers!!  They’re being heard, for sure!!  We love y'all!!

“… The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”  James 5:16 NIV

All things new!

I’m battling a cold but other than that- - Life is GOOD!! 

Fall is in the air and I absolutely LOVE it!  I always love when a new season rolls around.   It’s like I get complacent in our “current” season then- - BAM!  God opens my eyes to the beauty of his creation in all new ways.  I find it really cool how “new” each season feels year after year.  J  (And side note- - how cool that WE are made “new” every DAY?!) J

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”  2 Corinthians 5:17 NKJV

And man…. how AWESOME that one day God will create a NEW Heaven and a NEW earth?!  J

“See, I will create new heavens and a new earth.  The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind.”  Isaiah 65:17 NIV

Okay… I get really excited about that topic…. But I don’t have enough time at the moment to write a book.   J haha

But back to appreciating our new season, Fall….. 

I love this quote….

“Some people, in order to discover God, read books.  But there is a great book: the very appearance of created things.  Look above you!  Look below you!  Read it.  God, whom you want to discover, never wrote that book with ink.  Instead He set before your eyes the things that He had made.  Can you ask for a louder voice than that?” ~St. Augustine

“You alone are the LORD. You made the heavens, even the highest heavens, and all their starry host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them. You give life to everything, and the multitudes of heaven worship you.”  Nehemiah 9:6 NIV

So while I’m super busy with adoption benefit planning, adoption homework and appointments…..  I’m REALLY enjoying rediscovering God and his goodness through his incredible creation.  J

“Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting.”  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

The story of today

Heads up:  This post is drenched in useless detail…. So unless you love useless detail like I do, you may want to skip this post.  J

This week has been pretty positive overall.    We have been showered with goodness, love and encouragement regarding our adoption and have been praising the Lord a great deal.  Praising the Lord’s name always awakens Satan and here he comes, swooping in, trying to sabotage things.  Satan- - you are mean.

(First off- - nothing terrible has happened…. I’m just venting….)

This morning I woke up with a stuffy nose, sore throat and aching body.  L  So, what does any self-respecting adult do?  Roll out of bed, throw on sweat pants and a hoodie to go with the oversized t-shirt I slept in, pull hair back, put earrings on (yes- - as silly as it is, that’s important to me) and throw on a ball cap.  I was headed to Starbucks to get a non-fat, no-whip white chocolate mocha.   (I know, I know… it’s the first day of fall… many would say I should have gotten a pumpkin spice latte… But I think I’m the only person in the world that doesn’t like those! *gasp*  I know.  Absurd.  ;o)  haha)

Sipping on my mocha, I stroll back home.  (Praise God today was a day I had scheduled to work at home).  I shed my hoodie and slipped into my wonderfully plush Hello Kitty robe.  I sat at my desk and the mocha helped my throat- - until the drink was gone, of course.  Next, I decided to eat some Ricolas (riiiiiiiiiiiCOlaahh!) haha.... (they kind of help your throat but I hate the way your mouth gets really cold when you breathe after eating them.)  As I was working, I heard the mailman delivering mail outside!  I got really excited because I was expecting TWO things for the benefit (these little cards I made through Vistaprint and a puzzle I ordered- - we’re doing that thing where people buy a puzzle piece, write their name on it and we’ll hang the completed puzzle in the baby’s room symbolizing the “team” that helped us bring him/her home!).   I peered through the window like a creeper waiting for the mailman to disappear onto another street so I could go out to the mailbox “as is”.  Soon, he was gone, so out I went.  Aaaaand.  Nothing.  Okay- - two soliciting things in the mail but nothing important.  And CERTAINLY not what I was anticipating!  L  Boooo.

I returned to work (at my desk) and decided I needed some medicine because I was not feeling well.  The only medicine we had that was for “cold-related symptoms” was Nyquil.  I only took 1 so I could stay awake and still function.  I received a call from a dear friend that told me a funny story about a massage experience she had, so that was nice to have a good laugh.  J 

The rest of the afternoon I kept peering out the window (again- - like a weird creeper or a paranoid crazy) waiting for UPS.  I was expecting our t-shirt order to arrive today!!  I CANNOT WAIT to see them!  Around 4:30pm I called the company we ordered them from to ask if they had a tracking number for them.  I was on hold FOREVER then finally a sweet man (he really was sweet) came on to explain that a mistake was made.  The t-shirts were “checked” in their system that they were printed but they were NOT.  So they of course haven’t SHIPPED either! L  Grrrrrr…  They said they’d get them out to us by Monday.  So we should have them by Wednesday of next week.

Okay, so I decide to put an end to my pity party and get in the shower.  Right before I got in the shower I got word that we did not get the food donated for our benefit and we’ll  have to make the spaghetti ourselves.  You see…. we've been eagarly waiting to hear from a restaurant in town hoping they would donate the spaghetti because they’ve done stuff like that before… so we felt really good about it.  Well,…. booooooo.  They are not able to donate it for us.  L

So…… that’s it.  Just a few of my bubbles were burst today.  All while not feeling well.  Satan- - I’ll say it again…. You’re mean.  But GOD IS GOOD!

Things are looking up.  We have sweet family to help make the food for our benefit and Erik’s bringing Demo’s Soup and Salad home for dinner.  So I’m all “clean and shiny” (as my mom says) and ready to chill out with my hubby.  We’ll have a nice relaxing start to our weekend.  Hopefully I’ll feel better by tomorrow. 

If you've read this entire detailed post of non-sense, bless you. J You're nice.  Happy Weekend!!

For crying out loud- we're HEALED!

Our Adoption Benefit Dinner is SOON!  (October 8)  I’ve been completely….. hmm…. Consumed doesn’t even seem to adequately describe it.  I’ve just been living and breathing the plans.  Thinking and re-thinking how we’ll do things, the order we’ll do them in and trying to incorporate “fun” things all while not making the night drag on too long.  I’m VERY thankful for the people in my life that are helping in every way they can.  THANK YOU!!  Although you hear me talk about how much this is weighing on me, YOU are helping me not stress too much.  THANKS!   J

Alongside planning our benefit, we’ve managed to design and sell “Moses was adopted” t-shirts!  This is a great way for us to earn proceeds for our adoption and raise awareness about adoption in general!   We’ve already sold more than we expected!   What a blessing!!!!  (Ignore the poor quality of the picture..)  Here’s the design….

Its front and back, $20 and comes in Grey, Turquoise or Red. (Let me know if you want one!!) J

Oh yeah- - and we’ve been keeping up with our weekly Adoption “homework”.  We have our last class tomorrow night in Brentwood.  We completed our homework tonight (that’s due tomorrow) and got so stinkin’ frustrated!  We had to answer questions about what challenges we are facing with our child! ….. Ahem.  Let me remind you- - we do NOT have our child yet!  We also had to answer questions about how we need to travel the healing journey to resolve issues or hurts from our past.  We had 10 questions about that ONE thing!!!!  We were struggling to think about how we need to “heal” from our past.  We finally just kept saying- - For crying out loud! We’re HEALED!! Haha!  (I wish we could have put that down as our answer).

“He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.”  Psalm 147:3 NLT  J

I’m living and breathing ADOPTION.  I AM READY FOR OUR CHILD OR CHILDREN!!  Sometimes it’s hard to focus on everyday life.  I’m easily “offended” for our child and I don’t even know what gender, race, age, etc he or she will be.  He or she IS OURS.  He/she will be no less “ours” than a biological child.  Oh we yearn for him/her.  Please continue praying with us.  Thanks!

“Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.  Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him…”  Proverbs 37:4-7 NIV

Who's controlling who?

I have not felt that I’ve been in the “healthiest” state of mind lately.  Some things have occurred over the past several days that make me feel….. “heavy”.  You know what I mean?  Like, you literally feel pressure on your shoulders and heart from carrying burdens.  (These are non-adoption related things….)  I know, I know…. I need to turn them over to God.  And I’m working on it.  Lord knows He’s the only One that can handle the heaviness of our burdens.

Anyway, all of this stressful heaviness has had me feeling yucky.  THEN I saw on our calendar that our PSYCHOLOGICAL EVALUATIONS for our adoption were scheduled for TONIGHT!!  Great timing, right?!  My mind was all over the place!  I was NOT feeling very confident to go in and be analyzed by a psychologist!!  Eek!  We had been “warned” by the psychologist that it could take 3 hours to complete our evaluations.  Talk about intimidation….  We were just a little nervous.

The Lord was oh-so-good to me today.  I was in the car a lot for work and He encouraged me through songs, the sun came out and I was able to drive around with my sunroof open and the sun beating against my skin….. J  ahhhhh….  Then to top off my work day, one of the ladies on my caseload said I looked like a Mousekateer!  LOL!  (In all fairness- - I WAS wearing a rather large bow in my hair).   I got a good laugh from that and appreciated the reminder to lighten up and not stress so much.  (Thanks, God!)  

"When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy."  Psalm 94:19 NIV 

Sooooo…..  I was ready for this Psychological Evaluation!

  

Good news:  It was not bad at all!!

We got there (on time!) and the psychologist was super nice.  He greeted us/prepped us in a room together.  Then we separated.  Erik went to another room to take a written test and I stayed to be interviewed.  Then, we flip flopped.  We were out of there in 1 ½ hours!  (Score!)  J

It was funny to re-cap with each other when we left.  We compared our answers from our separate interviews and basically everything was identical.  We also compared our written answers, which were of course some different since we had to answer questions about our own personalities.

Mainly we felt that one of the written tests focused on 3 things:  your thoughts being controlled or not, suicide and alcohol (in that order).

We couldn’t help but laugh on the way home about all the different ways they asked about our thoughts!  This little section was kind of like True/False but you had 4 choices:  False, Slightly True, Mainly True and Very True.  They sandwiched basically the same statement about your thoughts in between the other statements over and over.  Statements like this: 

“I feel like people control my thoughts”

“I think people can hear my thoughts”

“I think some people can read minds”

We both agreed that we kept marking “False” on these but felt more and more uneasy as the question was repeated time and again.  It’s almost like the test was saying…. 

“Does anyone control your thoughts?” 

“Are you sure?!” 

“If they were controlling your thoughts how would you know?!” 

“Now what do you think?!?!” 

LOL!!  We laughed and said we should have written in the margins- -

“YOU’RE trying to control my thoughts!!”

Hahahaha!!

Well, we’re certainly glad that is over and it's just one more thing we can check off of our list! J 

And I cry

Well, here's that stack of paperwork I keep talking about....

Good news is- - We're finished!!!!

This month we'll have our Expectations Consultation with our agency, our physicals/TB tests, finger-printing, background checks, psychological evaluations and have our last adoption class.  (whew!)  

In other... well, not so "other" news.....  I’m feeling pretty crazy lately. 

I cry on a dime!  Seriously.  

*All of my anger and frustration about the stinkin’ long process of adoption pops up from time to time……  And I cry.

*My heart breaks as soon as the thought enters my mind about how many orphans are in the world……  And I cry.

*I daydream about holding my precious child……  And I cry.

*I get so stinkin’ frustrated about us, as Christians, as the church, not doing more for these children……  And I cry.

*I daydream about what gender, age, race our child will be……  And I cry.

*I sing songs of worship to our Lord praising Him for His plans that are so much greater than my own……  And I cry.

*I wonder if we’ll adopt one child, twins, triplets, a sibling group, etc……  And I cry.

*I think about our child’s birthmother……  And I cry.

*I see little girls playing with their baby dolls and I remember being in their shoes… dreaming of the day I would be a real mommy……  And I cry.

*I get so excited imagining all of the milestones in our child’s life……  And I cry.

*I get emails from our adoption agency with pictures of their “waiting children” (older children and/or medical problems) that need forever families……  And I cry.

You get the gist………..  I’m a mess…………   I think it boils down to the fact that I’m super excited to meet our baby, I wish we could get him/her soon  AND I wish we could just adopt every child in the world that needs a home!!  (sigh)

Something has GOT to be done about this….  so many orphans in the world….  So many babies needing homes….. 

We have to increase awareness and empower each other to ADOPT!! …… 

Please pray with me about this…..  I think God is working on something big in front of our eyes and I want Him to use me where He needs me….  Again- - something more has to be done to defend all of these orphans in the world....  And I say it starts with opening our hearts and homes to one child at a time....

"My child, listen to what I say and remember what I command you.  Listen carefully to wisdom; set your mind on understanding.  Cry out for wisdom, and beg for understanding.  Search for it like silver, and hunt for it like hidden treasure.  Then you will understand respect for the Lord, and you will find that you know God.  Only the Lord gives wisdom; he gives knowledge and understanding.  He stores up wisdom for those who are honest.  Like a shield he protects the innocent.  He makes sure that justice is done, and he protects those who are loyal to him.  Then you will understand what is honest and fair and what is the good and right thing to do."  Proverbs 2:1-9 NCV