Emotional Day

Although we are STILL waiting to hear that we are “OFFICIALLY” approved and “WAITING”…..  Erik dropped our Family Profiles off at our adoption agency today!! J  I asked that he please “document” the special occasion. 

He respected my wishes!  How sweet.  J

So this was clearly an exciting day!  It was gorgeous out.  It was sunny and 60 degrees!  I mean, come on!  Gorgeous!  I woke up this morning very excited knowing that our profiles would be handed off to our agency and READY for birthmothers to look through them as soon as we’re “approved”.  (Hurry up already!!)  I had a productive work day and even worked with the windows open for most of the day. (One of my favorite things!)

After Erik dropped our books off he texted me the two pictures above.  Tears immediately filled my eyes.  I was so excited and emotional!  I didn’t expect to cry!  I called him and of course insisted on him giving me step by step details of “what happened” when he got there.  Haha!  Silly me.  Erik’s response:  “I gave them the books and they loved them.” 

*Crickets*

I was like- - “I need more than that!!  What’d they say?? Who was there?? Who’d you give the check to??” ETC….  haha!  Bless him.    

Later today, I went to Target to pick up a few things.  I was strolling through the store when I heard a baby cry.  Y’all- - - - this made me ACHE.  Like an empty, hollow ache.  It was the sweetest little cry.  I literally hurt...  From the inside out.  I turned around to see a little bitty baby and a little bitty mommy holding her close.  I smiled at her, fighting back tears.  Of course the baby was adorable.  (What baby isn’t?!)

Each step that I took felt slower than the last.  My mind was starting to wander.  My heart was filled with disappointment and grief.  What in the world?!  Earlier I was so excited to be a step closer to our child….. and in that very moment I was so discouraged and missing our child….. our child that we haven’t met yet.  L    

I’ve had an emotional day to say the least.  Like I said- - the day started out GREAT!  But tonight, here I am, crying over this keyboard mourning the fact that I am not a mother.  *sigh*

Correction:  I am not a mother...  YET. 

If I'm honest with myself, I think a lot of my hurt tonight is stemming from not knowing how much longer we'll have to wait to meet our child....  BUT.....  I need to continue to strive to be more like the "good/noble wife" described in Proverbs 31....

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future."  ~Proverbs 31:25 NLT

Here’s to hoping I get all my tears out tonight and have a POSITIVE day tomorrow!  I am aching for our child.  I love them so much already.  How can you miss someone you’ve never met?!  Well- - it’s possible, folks.  And it stinks.   

As always- - thanks for reading and for your support and encouragement.  I love y’all.