Slowly but surely

(Update:  I couldn’t take the suspense anymore so I emailed our adoption agency on December 7 to see if they thought there was a possibility that we could have our interviews and home visit this month.  I got a response on December 9 that they hope to have our interviews and visits SCHEDULED by the end of this week.  Not exactly an answer to my question….. but we’ll be super happy to have dates on our calendar.)  J

Every day I dream of becoming a mommy.  I cannot wait for everything that comes with it.  The feedings, diaper changes, games, hugs, kisses, baths, naps, cries, screams, surprises, etc.  For me- - not being a mother is downright painful.  I find my joy in anticipating what I know is to come.  I know we WILL be parents, although I don’t know when. 

But I’ve had a couple of pretty sad days lately.  We started trying to conceive December 2009.  So this is technically the third Christmas that we’ve wanted children but haven’t had them.  L  Children are always a blessing but wow- - how precious are they around Christmastime?!  Their wonderment is breathtaking to me.  The joy that they have in their eyes and the wonderful opportunity to magnify the glory of Jesus through such an exciting season is incredible!  I can’t wait to have children to experience this with them!!

As cheesy as this sounds, when Erik first asked what I wanted for Christmas, I couldn’t think of anything other than “to be a mom”.  It’s all I think about.  Of course he kept asking and I gave answers like- - towels for the baby’s bathroom, paint for the baby’s room, etc.  We agreed that these are things that we’ll shop for during our official “wait time”.  (Our agency has advised that we do things to control the wait as opposed to the wait controlling us.)

Erik took me Christmas shopping this afternoon.  Don’t get me wrong- - of course I ended up finding some things I like (perfume, jewelry, clothes) but what do you know…. KIDS are everywhere!  AND kids stores!!  I am SO ready to be shopping for our children!!  Enough already with this self-indulging lifestyle!!  (Okay- - maybe I’m being dramatic.)  But I am ready to start shopping for baby clothes and toys!  J   

Erik is wonderful at reminding me to just savor every moment of our lives.  Right now- - it is as God wants it.  It’s the two of us.  We are continuing to grow closer and are falling more in love with each other daily.  J  Even though I have sad days, I’m so very thankful for a husband that is understanding, empathetic and compassionate.  He always knows the right things to say….. or not say.  J  Even after we talk forever about how I’m sad, he’ll stop reading, watching TV or whatever he’s doing.  He says he doesn’t feel right doing anything when I’m sad.  Bless him.  I tell him that there’s no need for him to just sit and be sad with me….. but he insists.  Precious.

So some days are sad but God’s blessed us and continues to bless us.  We know we’re moving towards our children.  We’ll get to them.  Slowly but surely.  J 

"Be joyful because you have hope.  Be patient when trouble comes, and pray at all times."  Romans 12:12 NCV