One of those days

I had “one of those days” today.  Maybe it was the rain or the grey sky…..  or just the simple fact that I am aching to be a mommy.  

Of course every day I want to be a mommy but some days are just sadder than others. 

I had a full day of appointments/meetings.  You’d think that in my hustle and bustle my mind would not be completely consumed with “all-things-mommy”.  Oh, but it was.  L  My time driving from meeting to meeting was spent dreaming about when we’ll have our child, what gender he/she will be, what race, what age, what personality, etc.  I even daydreamed about all of the kiddie music we will listen to in the car together.  All of the smiles, laughs, cries and sleepless nights.  I can imagine so clearly embracing our child and gazing into his/her eyes.  There are no words strong enough to express this deep yearning and extreme ache.  How can I miss a child that I haven’t even physically seen yet? 

………. But I do.  I miss my child.  I want my child to come home.

(Sigh)

So I got home and immediately started cleaning.  This is my stress-release type therapy.  It’s a clear sign that I am angry, upset or just plain gloomy if I’m going 90-to-nothing, on my hands and knees scrubbing the bathroom floors.  My precious husband is aware of this.  J  He immediately got out the Pledge and started dusting the house, cleaned Rascal’s kitty litter, took out the trash AND cleaned the inside of the microwave!  Bless his sweet little heart.

We both sat down and exhaled in pure fatigue.  Without saying a word, we knew.  We knew where this mental, emotional and now physical exhaustion was coming from.  We knew that this adoption journey, albeit it joyful at most times, can be downright “dirty” at others. 

After a few short moments, Erik said, “Well, I don’t know where you’re going to find your surprise!?!”  I was confused.  ????  I thought he was referring to all the cleaning he just did, but he wasn’t……..  Long story short, he had emailed me a gift certificate for a 60 minute massage!!!! (The message on the certificate just said, "SURPRISE!!")  Oh how very sweet.  J  And he timed it so perfectly!!  Thank you, God, for a compassionate and considerate husband.  Of course he is many, many other wonderful things but today I am especially thankful for those two characteristics.  J

I am also extremely thankful that God can take a sad day and turn it into a joyful one.  And thank you, Father that tomorrow is a NEW day.  My desire to hold our child will of course remain the same but I trust that the ache will be transformed into joyful anticipation and excitement.  There ARE marvelous things in store and I WILL enjoy every step along the way.  Our loving God is unfolding our own personal love story and I cannot wait for a new little person (or more!!) to be added to the mix! J

"Every child born into the world is a new thought of God, an ever-fresh and radiant possibility." ~Kate Douglas Wiggin