Reality check

(Just a head's up:  This is somewhat of a lengthy post).  ;o)

I am fully aware that I have unrealistic expectations about…….. well,……… everything.  (I can honestly say that the only thing that’s never disappointed me is my marriage…. Erik continues to exceed my expectations…. Praise God for that!!)

Step 1:  Preliminary Application: CHECK!

Step 2:  Formal Application:  CHECK!

Step 3:  Adoption Orientation:  CHECK!

Clearly, I was SO excited for this orientation.  It felt like I was preparing for the first day of school or something.  I stayed up until 1:30am painting my nails, trying on outfits and gathering my “supplies” (notebook, high-lighters, folders, pens….).  Searching my closet for the “perfect” outfit I came across several options….

“Sunday” dresses- - - “too dressy”

Sundresses- - - “too young”

Very colorful shirts (kind of tie-dyed)- - - “too casual”

Dressy shirts with just a little sequins- - - “too flashy”

Collared shirts- - - “too businessy”

Then when I remembered the “perfect” shirt (simple cowl-neck, cap-sleeved, fuchsia - colorful but not TOO bright - from Banana Republic), I realized it was DIRTY…. So, of course, I stayed up to do a load of laundry especially for this shirt.  (I ended up wearing it with black dress pants, heels and of course my big jewelry- - large cross earrings, pearl bracelets, silver watch).

Okay, so maybe I expected to enter a balloon filled room while the employees greeted us by throwing confetti, sounding party horns and shouting, “Congratulations!! You’ve chosen adoption!!” 

That did not happen. 

However, we DID enter a room filled with smiling people, a hospitality table (with apples, bananas and coffee) and were given pre-printed name tags.  They took our picture so they could put a face with a name when they prayed for us at their office.  (NICE!) J

Along the same lines of trying to find the “perfect” outfit…. We (okay…. I) had to find the “perfect” seats for us.  We sat in not one…. Not two…. But three places until we got it.  Our “perfect” seats.  I got my notebook out with my pen (and extra pen).  I was so ready for this.

I’m telling you….. I’m nuts………. But I was excited.

The introduction was welcoming and informative.  It was clear that we were going to be “facing reality” about adoption.  The statement, “We want you to go into this with your eyes wide open” was used several times.  We had question and answer time, the employees introduced themselves and explained their roles, we discussed what “special needs” included, a few families came and gave their adoption testimonies, they explained each sheet that came in a thick stack of paperwork, etc.

Much like our journey already, I had ups and downs during the day.  Here are a few things that started slowly bursting my bubble….

1.)   China’s Waiting List is at 5-7 years  (whaaaaaaaat?!  You see, it has been a passion/desire of mine since I was about 12 to adopt from China.  We knew you had to be 30 yrs old to adopt from China so that means we’ll have to wait 2 yrs to even apply with them…. I hope the wait time doesn’t INCREASE by then!! L )

2.)   If you get pregnant during your adoption process, you are put on “HOLD”.  This is only to see if your pregnancy is “viable”.  If you miscarry, you can continue with your adoption plan.  If you do not, you’re basically withdrawn.  You do not have to go through the trainings again but you do have to have another home study…. And basically start over…. Including fees all over again. (children must be at least 6 months apart)

3.)   Finances.  We obviously have evaluated our financial situation to make sure all of this wouldn’t be more than we could chew… we have more coming in than going out,.. yada yada yada….  But today we saw forms with certain percentages of your debt-to-income ratio and basically they said that you can’t exceed a certain percentage…. And we probably don’t…. it just stressed us out.

So where do we go from here?

Step 4:  Six Adoption Classes with one time $25 fee for books.

Our first class is THIS TUESDAY night!  Yay!  That’s quick!  The last class is September 13, so the 6 classes will be complete in 6 weeks!

Step 5:  Home Study with $2,000 fee.

The Home Study is considered the thick stack/folder of papers we received at orientation.  When it is completed, then we have two home visits.  We complete this basically on our own schedule (they say on average, it can be completed within 3-4 months).  This includes (but not limited to):  Fingerprinting, background checks, financial statement, tax return history, health insurance verification, medical exam letter and forms, expectations consultation, infant adoption service plan, family history data, self-study, acceptance check-list, reading requirements, psychological evaluations, vaccination history of each household pet…. ETC.

The Orientation was a reality check.  We knew that we would feel like we had to jump through hoops, be transparent and vulnerable….. but after the orientation we really knew.

I guess we wanted a red carpet laid out for us for adoption.  Maybe subconsciously we thought since having a biological child is a struggle for us that maybe our adoption route would be at least a little easier.  Surely it’s only fair to have to struggle just one way or the other, right?!  Not both!?!!

So, honestly, I’m overwhelmed.  I really don’t know how else to explain it. 

Even though we are overwhelmed, this does not at all damper our desire to adopt.  We know we are supposed to be pursuing adoption and cannot wait to meet our baby/child/children.  So regardless of the hoops, appointments, classes, paperwork, feelings of insecurity, etc, we will persevere.

“Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”  ~Romans 5:3-4 NIV