Next!!

Today is pretty rough.  Let me just fill you in…..

*On June 12, 2012, we were notified about a “potential adoption situation”.  This was an independent situation (in other words- - not through our adoption agency).  A 5 week old, African American baby girl needed a forever family.  We wanted her to come home to us so bad!!  We prayed, cried, prayed some more and applied to be considered for this baby girl.

And so did 19 other families. 

We were notified on June 19, 2012 that we were not selected to be this little baby’s adoptive parents. 

We were devastated.  

*On May 31, 2012, we were notified about a “potential adoption situation”.  A 6 month old, Caucasian baby girl needed a forever family.  We were ecstatic and extremely hopeful.  This was also an independent situation (not through our adoption agency).  We prayed, cried, prayed some more and applied to be considered for this little baby girl. 

And so did 57 other families. 

We were notified today that we were not selected to be this little girl’s adoptive parents….. 

What a terribly sad day.

I can’t allow myself to stay in this sad place for too long…. But for right now, I’m there.  Man alive, it STINKS.  The emotions of feeling “rejected” in so many ways are unbearable sometimes. 

My brother had some really encouraging words for us after hearing the news of our 2^nd rejection…..  Here is what he said:

“One of my favorite words found over 180 times in the Bible that has gotten me through so many disappointments in my life: “next”.  Sometimes it helps to say it out loud for you and every spirit to hear:  NEXT!”

Bless his sweet heart.  I didn’t think there was anything that anyone could say to offer comfort, but his words did.  Thank you, Nathan.  I love you.

So here’s to what the Lord has planned for us.  NEXT!!

“God’s plans for your life far exceed the circumstances of your day.”  ~Louie Giglio

Trusting In Advance

I’ve definitely still been on that rollercoaster of emotions lately.  Some days it’s hard to feel God’s love and that’s the worst feeling in the world.  I will say, though, that it does not take long for God to do something or use someone to encourage me like never before.  And that, my friends, is the best feeling in the world!  (See, there’s that rollercoaster!)

I’m always singing Erik’s praises and I’ll sing them again real quick- - He is just absolutely wonderful.  We used this past weekend to spend some good quality one-on-one time with each other and it was incredibly refreshing.  I’m so thankful that God blessed me with such a godly husband.  He is everything I need.  Being married to my best friend truly makes the “peaks” in life more enjoyable and the “valleys” more bearable.  Praise God!! 

We are of course still waiting on “THE” call.  As I mentioned before, we’re staying busy “controlling the wait”. 

Update on our P90X challenge:  Well, I made it a month and a half and Erik is still going!  It’s for sure hard and kicked my tail but more than that, I got B O R E D with it!  It’s super repetitive and I just got plain grouchy doing it!  Haha!  I’m really proud of Erik for sticking with it.  I, on the other hand, made the choice to still focus on my fitness, but in another way.  I’ve joined a Fitness Boot Camp twice a week for 6 weeks.  I am loving it so far, but of course it is HARD too!  I do love that I’m with a group of ladies, there’s variety to our workouts, our trainer is super motivational and there’s loud music during all of it.  I think this may be the very thing that gets me to enjoy working out again.  Yay!

Exciting news:  We’ve started on the NURSERY!!  YAY!!!!!!!! 

On Saturday, 06/16, Erik and I went to Lowes and picked out PAINT! 

"Sunspark" is the color!



After 7 hours and 3 coats of paint- - we were finished!

We couldn’t stand to wait any longer on getting baby furniture so this past Saturday, 06/23, we ordered some!!  Here’s the set we ordered (in Espresso)!  (It should be here in 1-2 weeks!)

We’re so excited!  It’s a 4-in-1 convertible crib (meaning it converts to a toddler bed, daybed and full size bed).  The changing table attaches to the crib but can detach and be used as a nightstand.  And of course the 4 drawer dresser is just a normal necessity. 

That's about all the updates for now!  I'll check in with any new developments.  Ha!
Have a wonderful, blessed rest of the week!  

"I have learned that faith means trusting in advance what will only make sense in reverse."  ~Philip Yancey

I Can Find You In A Prayer

As I’m sitting here soaking my hair in olive oil (by the way- - a great way to revive dry ends! haha!), I’m listening to some music and reflecting on the past couple weeks.  (Mandisa’s song, “Stronger” is on.  Man, that’s a great song.)

I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions over the past couple weeks.  I’ll go into detail at a later time but for now, I just want to admit that I was struggling to feel the presence of God.  Holy cow, that’s a horrible place to be.  My roller coaster of emotions stems around having to wait to be a mommy.  I won’t beat a dead horse and reiterate my desires at this time, but y’all know.  It just hurts.  A lot.

I am incredibly thankful for you all that support me, pray for me and with me.  Thank you!

I’m not sure if anyone knows me quite like my sister does.... I looooooove my sister!

“For there is no friend like a sister in calm or stormy weather;

To cheer one on the tedious way,

To fetch one if one goes astray,

To lift one if one totters down,

To strengthen whilst one stands.”

~Christina Rossetti

At some point last year, I was on the phone with my sister crying about wanting to be a mommy.  (We have lots of those conversations).  I was pouring my heart out to her and she cried with me.  After we got off the phone, she called me back later that night.  She said she had written a song for me, from my perspective.  I am continually amazed at her talent as a songwriter.  Bless her.  It is perfect.  It really helps me through some tough days.  

I just have to share the lyrics with you all.  I’m positive it can encourage some of you that may be waiting for God’s answer to your prayers….

I Can Find You In A Prayer

By Natalie Weems

“Father God I am waiting

I am down on my knees

I am anticipating

When will you answer my pleas?

I know You know more than I do

So tell me why is it so hard to trust in You?

God give me strength to get back on my feet again

Give me hope even though the answer right now is no

Give me peace and help me know You’re not out of reach

You’re always there

I can find you in a prayer

My tears are falling but fading

When I’m searching, seeking Your face

And when the future is hazy

You’re my comfort Lord, here in this place

I pray your perfect will be done

Cause there is a reason in Your perfect wisdom

God give me strength to get back on my feet again

Give me hope even though the answer right now is no

Give me peace and help me know You’re not out of reach

You’re always there

I can find You in a prayer

I can find You in a prayer

I will not give up

No, I will be strong

No, I won’t lose my faith in You

No, I’ll keep holding on

I will always pray to the God who gives and takes away

And if it is your will, I know that You will make a way

I will trust and I will pray

You give me strength to get back on my feet again

You give me hope even though the answer right now is no

You give me peace and help me know You’re not out of reach

You’re always there

I can find You in a prayer

Father God I am waiting,

Father God I am waiting

Father God I am waiting

Father God I am waiting.”

Isn’t it just beautiful?! J  The melody is just as gorgeous.

And, good news- - over the past couple of weeks, I prayed and prayed for a renewed sense of peace, hope, joy and to just feel God’s love again.  And y’all- - did He ever answer!  J  Praise God!  It’s really nothing I can explain with words.  (The feeling, that is.)  He just covered me with His love and I am completely engulfed in it.  YAYYYY!!!!

Even though I am still waiting to be a mommy, and it hurts like crazy, I cannot allow Satan to rob me of my joy!  We are in a spiritual battle EVERY DAY and I feel like the days that I’m anxious, sad and hopeless are days that I hand over to the Devil!  Grrrrr!  No more!  (Back up off of my joy, Evil One!!  Quit stealing my days!)

Have a great rest of the week friends!  Don't let Satan steal any of your days!  J

  

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your graciousness be known to everyone.  The Lord is near.  Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things.  Do what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you.”  ~Philippians 4:4-9 HCSB

The YES To Whatever I Need

Erik and I are all about learning new ideas/advice to enrich our marriage.  We love to discover new devotionals, attend marriage conferences, etc.  Although we take working at our marriage very seriously, we always find ourselves laughing through whatever we’re doing.  One example is that we did that “challenge” The Love Dare a little while back.  Remember that?  You had a new “love dare” for each day.  Things like-  write your spouse a note, cook dinner for your spouse, don’t say anything negative to your spouse today, etc.  We laughed our way through that book saying things like, “consider supper tonight my dare for the day.”  J 

Recently we read an article that had some good advice for couples to keep their marriage “fresh”.  One of the main things we took away from the article is to say “Thank You” to your spouse at least 4 times a day.  They advised couples to say “thank you” for specific things and let them vary day to day.  I was excited about this new challenge and we took it seriously for a little bit.  Now, Erik’s started leaving notes for me in the mornings like this:



"This counts as 1 of my 4 thank yous today... yes it does!"

J  He makes me laugh and for sure gets my days off to a great start. 

I guess this was just a long way to say that I am extremely thankful for Erik.  Life gets crazy and I don’t reflect on my thankfulness enough.  Because our relationship continues to grow and my love for Erik continually deepens, sometimes it’s hard to find the appropriate words to express my heart.  I recently got him a card that perfectly describes my feelings:

“You’re the LOW-KEY to my high maintenance,

The SLOW DOWN to my hurry,

The LET IT BE to my worry,

The UNWIND to my all wound up,

The SOFT KISS to my talk, talk, talk….

You’re the YES to whatever I need,

The answer to all I could ever ask for in someone to love.”

I love you, Erik.  You are the man of my dreams.  Thank you for being exactly what I need when I need it and for being so consistent with the true meaning of "love".

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."  ~ I Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV

Dear Child

My thoughts are fairly simplistic lately. 
I am simply dreaming of our child.  Praying that he/she comes soon, yearning for the day that we welcome him/her home. 

One day I'll print this Blog for our sweet baby.... so tonight..... this entry is especially for you- - our beautiful child.

My precious child,

There are not enough words to describe my love for you.  Although I have not met you yet, the love I feel for you is overwhelming.  I pray for you every single day and I dream about you at night.  It’s as if I sense that you’re already here;  I feel you in my heart but I just can’t see you with my eyes. 

You’re an angel and a child of God.  You are God’s creation and nothing short of a masterpiece.    Your daddy and I are absolutely honored to be your earthly parents.  God already has great plans for you!  He’s going to bless you with a life of hope and success! (Jeremiah 29:11)   

We eagerly anticipate your arrival and will cherish you forever.

With all my love always,
Mommy


"Children are a gift from the Lord.."  ~Psalm 127:3 NCV

But I Do Love....

This week has been the slowest, longest week EVER!  You know those times when everything just feels “off”?  Well, this week was that for me.  I’ve had that LeAnn Rimes song, “But I Do Love You” in my head a lot the past few days.  Some of the lyrics are:

“I don’t like to see the sky painted grey

And I don’t like when nothings goin’ my way

I don’t like to be the one with the blues

But I do love you….”

I’ve found myself thinking about some things that I really DO NOT like…… for example:

*I do not like when people are mean/rude.

*I do not like waiting to be a mommy.

*I do not like being sick.

*I do not like feeling obligated to do stuff that I don’t want to do.

*I do not like losing touch with friends.

I’ve had to try to focus on the things that I DO love though…. For example:

*I do love living life with Erik.

*I do love rejoicing with friends.

*I do love seeing God reveal His plan for us.

*I do love having a supportive, loving family.

*I do love the sunshine.

Soooooo maybe rather than listening to that LeAnn Rimes song, I should listen to Alyssa Bonagura’s song “Sunshine” instead.  J  Some of those lyrics are:

“It don’t matter if it’s raining

Nothing can phase me,

I make my own sunshine

And if you think you can break me

Baby you’re crazy

I make my own sunshine….”

I hope y’all have a great Friday and a wonderful weekend!  Here’s to having a better attitude no matter WHAT comes our way because we know that in our hard times the Lord makes us strong.  J

“Do everything without complaining or arguing.” ~Philippians 2:14 NCV

“…(the Lord) said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”  ~2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NIV

Does God "Show Up"??

How do you feel about that phrasing??  God “showing up”?  I’m sure you’ve heard it plenty of times.  “Boy, God really showed up today!”  or “Get ready cuz I have a feeling God’s going to show up here tonight!” 

I haven’t thought much about that phrase until today.  But is it God that shows up?  Or is it us?  Don’t you think that we feel that God “shows up” when we seek Him??  Or when we just open our eyes to his goodness??  God  is always here.  He’s not the one coming and going.  He doesn’t change.  We do. 

“I the Lord do not change…”  ~Malachi 3:6 NCV

Let me explain why I started thinking about all of this earlier….

The past several weeks have been fairly chaotic for us.  Among the chaos, adopting our child/children has felt almost like an intangible, unrealistic dream in a way.  Not to mention that it can feel overwhelming and just down right draining repeatedly answering the question, “How long will you have to wait?”  ...  Our answer is always, “It could be 2 months, 2 years, or longer.  There is no guaranteed wait time.”  (Sigh….)

So, anyway, we’ve been so busy with everything else going on (work, family, Zoe, P90X, etc.), that we haven’t been talking about adoption very much.  We’ll still pray about it….  But we’re just not quick to talk about it in a lot of detail on a daily basis anymore.  We feel that we’ve been ready to be parents for some time now…. And it still hurts a ton that I’m not a mommy yet.  It’s almost like we don’t want to face the reality of maybe having to wait even longer than we want.  L  So maybe if we don’t talk about it, it will help us not think about it. (That philosophy doesn't work, by the way). 

Anyway, Erik and I have been talking about starting this daily devotional book that we’ve had for YEARS.  We figure that no matter what, we can surely make time to sit down with each other for several minutes every day for a devotional!  You know, a time to chill, to reconnect with each other and with God. 

Well…. we finally started it today! 

We decided to start on today’s date in the book…… and guess what April 29^th’s topic was?!  Adoption!!!!  J  In summary- - it was about practicing the compassion of Jesus and taking care of orphans.  AWESOME!!!!  We couldn’t believe it.  We kept laughing and flipping through the book to see what some of the other topics were…..  It was NOT a coincidence that today was about adoption.  J

Some may say that God “showed up” today in our house.  But really, He’s been here all along.  God revealed to us today that He is still here, that He cares about us, that we’re on the path that He’s set out for us, that He is working on us and molding us to be the parents that He wants us to be.  Here we were avoiding discussing adoption and God gently said- - I want you to talk about it.

Let’s not let our busy schedules drown out the beautiful voice of our Father.  Let’s not wait for that magical moment when God “shows up”.  Remember- - He’s ALWAYS here.  We just have to “open our eyes” to see Him.  J 

    

“Open the eyes of my heart, Lord

Open the eyes of my heart.

I want to see You.

I want to see You.

To see You high and lifted up

Shining in the light of your glory

Pour out Your power and love

As we sing holy, holy, holy…”   

(Open The Eyes Of My Heart by Michael W. Smith)

"When you search for me with all your heart, you will find me!"  ~Jeremiah 29:13 NCV