Happy Spring and Happy Waiting!!

The very "first day" of things are always exciting to me.   You know, new beginnings….  fresh starts….  renewed hopes….etc.  J  Well, today was the first day of Spring AND the first day of us officially WAITING!!  We were officially “approved” to adopt on March 17 but we were actually added to the book of waiting families TODAY!!!! 

So, as of TODAY, March 20, 2012 we are WAITING!!

Let me explain this process real quick…..

First, the birthmothers receive counseling from our adoption agency.  Once they are ready to choose an adoptive family, they look at 1 notebook.  This notebook is full of mini profiles of all of the waiting families.  A mini profile consists of 1 picture of the couple/family, a summary of their personalities, hobbies, community, jobs, and a summary of what they are “open” to (i.e. the child’s race, gender, medical conditions, etc).  (I’m not sure exactly how many waiting families there are at this moment.  The last time I asked I think there were 28).

From that notebook of all the waiting families, the birthmothers decide who they’d like to see more information on.  We’ve been told they usually select their top 3-5 choices.  At that point, they’re able to see the Family Profiles on each of their “top” choices (scrapbook type books including the letters to the birthmother). 

The waiting families are not contacted or informed of the times they’re viewed.  They are only contacted when they’ve been chosen.  This is basically to cut back on the emotional rollercoaster.  Can you imagine getting a call that, “you’re one of 3 families that have been selected” …. Then later getting a follow up call, “oh- but they chose one of the other families.”  Yuck.  So, I’m perfectly fine with just getting the call saying- - “YOU’VE BEEN CHOSEN!!”  J 

So, from here there is no promised timeline.  They say the average wait time is 1-5 years from this point.  I feel like that’s an awfully broad average myself!  But they say some families have been chosen in 2 months and some have waited 5 years.  There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to it……  Just God’s timing, I guess.  J

We’re very hopeful that we won’t be waiting too long!!  We appreciate your continued prayers and you know I’ll be keeping you posted on what’s going on with us!  We are in an organizing frenzy again!!  (And by “we”…. I actually mean “I”.)  haha!

Have a great week, friends!!  Happy Spring!! 

"The Lord's love never ends; his mercies never stop. They are new every morning; Lord, your loyalty is great. I say to myself, "The Lord is mine, so I hope in him."  Lamentations 3:22-24 NCV

Home Study APPROVED!!

OUR HOME STUDY IS OFFICIALLY APPROVED!!!!!!!!

(Meaning we are OFFICIALLY waiting and birthmoms can now view our profiles!  So- in reality, we could be chosen at ANY moment!!!!)

Here’s a breakdown of important dates to emphasize how great this news is!!!!  (I’ll only start the breakdown of dates from when we turned in our paperwork.)

November 8, 2011: Turned in our Home Study Paperwork

December 22, 2011:  Received call from our caseworker to schedule home visit

January 5, 2012:  Home Visit Completed

January 9, 2012:  Individual Interviews

January 13, 2012:  Last Couples Interview

January 17, 2012:  Ordered Family Profiles

January 24, 2012:  Received Family Profiles via UPS

January 30, 2012:  Delivered Profiles to Adoption Agency

February 7, 2012:  Picked up Profiles to make revisions

February 15, 2012:  Delivered Revised Profiles to Adoption Agency

February 16, 2012: CW submitted home study to director for final approval

MARCH 17, 2012:  HOME STUDY APPROVED!!!!

Thank you SO much for your prayers thus far!!  Y’all- - we’ve needed them AND felt them.  Thank you.  Please continue remembering us and praying for us and our child's/children's birthparents.  Please pray that we’re chosen soon and able to BRING OUR BABY/BABIES HOME SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!  THANK YOU!!!!!!

"Let everything that has breath praise the LORD.  Praise the LORD." Psalm 150:6 NIV

God's Will or Our Desires?

Erik and I desire children so badly and sometimes question if that’s what God has planned for us. 

Even just typing that statement makes me sick. 

But good news!!  God graciously continues to remind me of simple truths in His word.  I’ll share those with you, in hopes that it can encourage you in whatever situation you may be in.  J  (Also, I can reference this post when I’m having “one of those days”.) 

Alright- - the gist is:

*Through prayer, we can have confidence in our desires, trusting and believing that we are indeed desiring God’s will for our lives.

Now, I do believe this is a process.  It is sometimes hard to discern what is our self-seeking desire and what is the righteous path that God has laid before us.  When we have a hard time discerning the difference, the only things we can do is turn to God in prayer, lean on His word and examine our hearts.  This is first and foremost.  If we are truly seeking Him, and I mean whole heartedly seeking…. then I believe His will becomes clear.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2 NIV

When we reach that clarity with a great deal of peace, then the challenge is remaining focused on the following truths so Satan doesn’t deceive us into questioning our faith in God.     

1.) Remember:  We are holy and blameless children of God through Jesus Christ!

“… In Christ, God has given us every spiritual blessing in the heavenly world. That is, in Christ, he chose us before the world was made so that we would be his holy people—people without blame before him.  Because of his love, God had already decided to make us his own children through Jesus Christ.”  Ephesians 1:3-5 NCV

“…He has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation— if you continue in your faith, established and firm, and do not move from the hope held out in the gospel…”  Colossians 1:22-23 NIV

“…Now that you are obedient children of God do not live as you did in the past. You did not understand, so you did the evil things you wanted. But be holy in all you do, just as God, the One who called you, is holy. It is written in the Scriptures: "You must be holy, because I am holy." I Peter 1:13-16 NCV

2.)  Remember:  God wants us to be confident in and BELIEVE what we are praying about!

“But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.” James 1:6-7 NIV

“If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”  Matthew 21:22 NIV

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”  Luke 11:9-10 NIV

“Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4 NIV

“So when you pray, you should pray like this:  'Our Father in heaven, may your name always be kept holy.  May your kingdom come and what you want be done, here on earth as it is in heaven.’ ” Matthew 6: 9-10 NCV

 “… The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” James 5:16 NIV

3.)  Remember:  God’s plans are even better than our own!!

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

“Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.”  Ephesians 3:20 NLT

“We know that in everything God works for the good of those who love him.”  Romans 8:28 NCV

4.)  Remember:  Be happy!

“Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.”  I Thessalonians 5:16-19 MSG

God is GREAT and He loves us, y’all!  Let’s be confident in who we are IN HIM and focus on the goodness of the Lord.  J  …..  Have a great rest of the week, friends!

"We have to pray with our eyes on God, not on the difficulties." ~Oswald Chambers     

My "Ah-ha! Moment"

Let’s not beat around the bush here…. 

I’ve been very discouraged lately.  I’ve been questioning what God was doing, wondering “where” He is and flat out distancing myself from Him.  My prayer life was becoming…. stale.  I am not proud of all of this.  But I am very happy to be speaking about this in PAST tense!  Whew!

Alright, I am aware that the world does not revolve around me.  I do, however believe that we have to pay very close attention to what God is doing around us and listen to what He’s teaching us.  He may use one thing to teach each one of us a different lesson.  That’s part of the beauty and magnitude of the God we serve.  Incredible. 

So here is the story of my…..  “Ah-ha! moment”….

On Thursday evening (March 1), my newsfeed on Facebook was full of comments about “extreme severe weather” coming to our town the next afternoon.  News was spreading fast that storm chasers were catching flights to Middle Tennessee, someone from the Weather Channel was coming to the Nashville area and our “Tor:Con index” was a 7 (meaning we had a 70% chance of destructive tornadoes within a 50 mile radius). 

This “Tor:Con index” increased to a 9 on Friday (March 2)- - meaning there was now a 90% chance that we would have tornadoes!  The radar for Middle TN was almost completely red, showing waves of storms coming straight for us.  Local news stations and the Weather Channel were saying we had a “severe threat for long track violent tornadoes” and “Quick action may need to be taken during this severe weather outbreak to protect your life”. 

Whaaaaaaat?!  I had never heard such panic and mayhem from meteorologists!  90% chance of tornadoes?!  And long track tornadoes?!  Storm chasers?? HERE?!

I was scared.

Erik was at work and I made a game plan to pack up Rascal and Zoe, grab my emergency kit and head to my dear friend’s house so we could seek shelter together.  (By the way:  my emergency kit included our wedding photos and video, honeymoon pictures, marriage certificate, birth certificates, passports and my Bible.  J  haha!  Maybe next time I should throw in some water or something!)

My nerves were shot.  I was on and off the phone with different family members, Erik and a few friends.  We were all making plans and giving each other advice…. “cushion your safe room”, “grab a flashlight”, “make sure your phone is charged”, etc.

In the midst of my panic, something came over me- - an extremely peaceful confidence.  Something clicked.  I knew that we were going to be fine.  I was on the phone with a friend and told him that I was “confident that the storms were going to miraculously miss us altogether.”

I still packed up Rascal and Zoe, grabbed my “emergency kit” and headed to my friend’s house.  We watched TV and the radar was still showing all of those storms coming at us from the southwest.  Tornadoes were touching down in nearby cities going at least 60 mph.  We were under tornado watches and warnings but I just knew we were not going to experience a tornado.

I prayed to God like I haven’t prayed to Him in a while.  Instead of asking God to spare us from the storm it was more like- - “wow, God, thank You so much!  I know we’re going to be fine!”  And I believed it!  Without a doubt!!  I feel like God was telling me, “Remember me?  Remember this relationship of ours?  This peace?  It is yours.  It always has been and always will be.”

“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” ~Mark 11:24 NIV

“Do not worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks. And God's peace, which is so great we cannot understand it, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” ~Philippians 4:6-7 NCV

This was it!!  This was what I’d been missing!!  How did this faith slip away from me?!  I used to have this confidence in God but somehow, like I mentioned before, it had become stale.  My prayers had become stale AND my faith had become stale.

I do not know exactly how this renewal of faith came over me.  But what I do know is this:  in order for God to wake me up from my life of stagnant faith, He had to do something big. 

God used that powerful storm for other purposes, no doubt, but I know He also used it to renew my faith and teach me a lesson.  All odds were against us.  Storms WERE coming.  The atmosphere was in perfect condition to formulate disastrous tornadoes.  There was NOTHING I could do about it.

Then- - the storms came.  They were violent and unpredictable.  But we were protected.  We were spared. 

God reminded me of His great power.  He controls those massive storms.  His hand is on everything.  He has a purpose for everything. 

“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.” ~Ecclesiastes 3:1 NLT    

If I can trust Him in a MASSIVE, uncontrollable storm, surely to goodness I can trust Him with my life!  We may not have a literal radar for our lives like on the weather channel but this I know for sure…..  our struggles, hurts and disappointments (our “storms”) in life are only passing through.  We may not see them coming or be able to track them but does it matter??  Those “storms” are temporary!  God has PROMISED us better days!! 

“”For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. “” ~Jeremiah 29:11 NIV         

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” ~Romans 8:28 NIV

Of course God blessed us with the most gorgeous day full of bright sunshine and blue skies the day after the storm.  Fitting, huh?  J  

God is huge, powerful, in control, good, loving, faithful and generous.  Peace only comes from trusting in Him and surrendering to His will.

In my next post I’ll talk more about how we can be confident in our prayers to God.  God’s reminded me of simple truths from his word- - I hope I’m able to encourage you with His reminder.  J

Happy Sunday friends!!!!

Expecting the best

I was trying to wait to write another post until we had some good news. I really wish I had some good news to share with you today.  I do not.  L

We are still just waiting to wait.  Erik and I have decided that as soon as we get officially “approved” and are “waiting” that we will start painting the baby’s room and shopping for baby furniture!  J  (We’ve already started pricing things!!) J

We are apparently “so close” to be officially waiting- - aka “available” for birthparents to choose us. 

I am very discouraged that these last little steps are  d r a g g i n g  by. 

January 5:  Home Visit

January 9:  Individual Interviews with CW1.

January 13:  Last interview with CW1.

January 23: CW1 still waiting on system log-in.

February 5:  CW1 received log-in information for our agency’s system.

February 10: CW1 finished submitting our Home Study to the Director.

February 16:  CW1 said that the Director is making some minor changes to our Home Study- “nothing of content, just for clarity’s sake”.

February 23:  CW1 received Home Study back from Director to make some revisions herself.

February 27:  CW1 said her computer wasn’t merging some of our paperwork correctly so she’s working on that and will “have it back to the Director within a few days.”

*sighhhh…  Why does every. single. thing. have to take “a few days”????

Logically I know that all of this doesn’t matter.  That God knows who our child is and no computer glitch is going to make us “miss our chance” at adopting our child/children. 

But STILL.  *sighhhh….  “Knowing” that doesn’t make it hurt less.  

I am way past ready to be a mom.

Pregnancies and babies are alllllll around me.  I’m talking strangers, friends, colleagues, etc.  I’ve had a rough month and the past few days have been especially rough.  I've been asking God lots of questions.  I’m at a point where I just don’t understand.  I know that God is putting certain people and certain circumstances in my path for a reason…..  I just don’t know that reason right now. 

Music is my friend and great therapy at this point in my life.  J  Here are a couple of songs (and some of the lyrics) that bring lots of comfort to me:

Whatever You’re Doing by Sanctus Real

“Whatever you’re doing inside of me

It feels like chaos but I believe

You’re up to something bigger than me

Larger than life, something heavenly”

Strong Enough by Matthew West

            "I know I’m not strong enough to be

            Everything that I’m supposed to be

            I give up

            I’m not strong enough

            Hands of mercy won't you cover me

            Lord right now I’m asking you to be

            Strong enough

            Strong enough, for the both of us.

           

            Cause I’m broken

            Down to nothing

            But I’m still holding on to the one thing

            You are God

            And You are strong

            When I am weak”

Thank you for reading.  I expect to have some great news the next time I write a post.  J  Here’s to expecting the best!!  (Thank you for your prayers as always).  Oh- - and Happy Leap.... Year??  Happy Leap.... Day??  Hmm...  I'm confused.  haha!  Happy February 29!! J 

The Awkward Encounter

So- - yesterday I dropped our profiles off at our adoption agency.  J  It was very exciting the first time Erik dropped them off….. this time was a little anti-climactic.  I was still pretty excited though.  And of course- - I documented the occasion.

 

I arrived at our agency around 1:30pm.  I was planning on asking to see CW2 so I could finally meet her in person and just hand the profiles to her directly.  I briefly freshened in the car, double/triple checked our books then headed inside.  Before getting in the elevator, I made a stop by the restroom.  As I was washing my hands, a couple of ladies were at the other sinks.  I kept glancing in the mirror at them wondering to myself- - “could any of them be CW2?..hmm…. surely not… how weird would that be??”  After all of our awkward glances and half-smiles, we all went in different directions after exiting the restroom. 

I waited for the elevator.  After a few short moments the doors for one opened.  I stepped onto the empty elevator and pressed floor number 4.  The doors were slowly closing when someone rushed to the elevator and threw their arm between the doors so they’d open back up.  She was frazzled and said, “sorry”.  I smiled and said, “That’s okay.”  Of course, I wondered- - “hmm.. wonder if THAT is CW2?...haha.. surely not.. There are tons of different businesses in this building..”

It was your typical awkward/silent elevator ride (not even any music was playing).  She got off (first) at the 4^th floor.  She quickly went right.  I thought, “surely not…”  I turned right and proceeded with caution.  She opened the door to our adoption agency’s office.  “No way”, I thought.  I walked in behind her.  She stopped at the first office on the left and I went straight ahead to the reception desk.  I asked to “see CW2 please”.  The receptionist paused for a moment and looked at me like I had four heads.  She seemed confused and said, “uhm.. CW2 just walked in.. was she expecting you?” 

(NO WAY!!  Oh how incredibly awkward!!  This was such a dramatic moment at the time.  CW2 and I get off to the worst start EVER before even meeting THEN we experience this awkward elevator encounter?!...... And all of this BEFORE we have to start working together?!?!  CLOSELY working together?!?!  ………..  oh brother…..)

I obviously let the receptionist know that CW2 wasn’t expecting me… That I just needed to drop our profiles off but I wanted to meet her in person since we’re on her caseload. 

We met.  It was awkward.  She wasn’t mean.  But she wasn’t nice.  (Well, not in my opinion.  I feel like I have a very high standard of “nice”.)  She was not smiley AT ALL.  Hmph.  I really don’t like it when people don’t smile.  (side note- - she appears to be around my age which for whatever reason makes it feel a little more awkward).

As soon as I got outside, I called Erik.  I was laughing so hard telling him how our awkward relationship with CW2 just got MORE awkward.  I went into every detail that I included in this post (and then some) and the entire time, as the suspense kept buiding, Erik repeatedly exclaimed, "no!" between every sentence.  LOL! 

Well, that’s about it.  We turned in our profiles and are still waiting to hear back that we’re "approved”. CW said she submitted all of our home study information this past Friday.  I heard from her today and she said that the director is “confident” about our home study but is making some small revisions.  She said, “nothing of content, just for clarity’s sake”.  I’m SO ready to be “approved” already!!!! 

At least every one of these “issues” that have been driving me nuts is getting us closer to OUR child/children!!!!  I know we’ll cherish every memory that we’re making along the way.  J 

Velcro...and Love

As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, Erik revised his letter so it’s 1 page now.  I went to Kinko’s to print it on resume paper and take out Erik’s old letters and attach the new ones.  Here was my work station:

I was pretty bummed having to reassemble his letters.  Remember what a process it was the first time?  Fold, attach Velcro, attach embellishment and glue to page.  Okay, that sounds kind of easy…. But it wasn’t.  J  These pages (in the profiles) are slick so you have to press on the letter forever to make sure it adheres.  And here I was….. s  l  o  w  l  y   peeling the letters away making sure not to rip the profile book’s page!  eeeek!  (All of them came off without a problem, thank goodness!) 

While I was working on the books I decided to CHEER UP!  I thought about how I “sealed the letters with love” the first go around….. and thought to myself that this birthmother was getting a “double dose” of love!  J  Before I knew it the letters were attached and ready for Erik’s signatures!

Later that evening at home, Erik went to sign the letters.  He opened the first book and said, “Uhm.. honey??....”  By the look on his face I knew something was wrong so I rushed over to see what it was before he could get another word out.  The stinkin’ little velcro pieces had melted or something!  It was so weird!  They were sliding around and were extremely slimy and the sticky part had seeped through the paper!  Ugh!!  (I had used the left over velcro pieces that we used the first time and the ones on my letters were holding up just fine!)  I just froze.  I was soooooo discouraged, y’all.  Those letters were ruined.  L

I’ll admit, I shed some tears.  In that moment my thoughts were:  “Why does this have to be so hard?!”  “I can only stay positive for so long!” “Satan- you are on my nerves!!”  “I give up!”

Praise God that didn’t last long!  (Although Satan is for SURE still on my nerves..)  I just went today, got more velcro sticky things and printed Erik's revised letters once again.  Third time’s charm, right? J  Shew.  Let’s hope so.

On a happier note- - tomorrow is Valentine’s Day!!  J  Erik and I decided not to get each other gifts this year.  We’re just going to celebrate low-key.. Nothing extravagant- - but perfect.  We both took tomorrow off of work!  Yay!  We don’t have any plans except to just relax and hang out.  J  (We may go see a movie.)  ……  And here’s Erik’s little surprise for when he wakes up:

(Homemade heart-shaped chocolate rice crispy treats, Andes mints,

a lovely card and a fun list of "I love you more thans")

Happy Valentine's Day!!!!  Isn't love grand?  All types of love! J  Make sure to love EVERYONE a little extra tomorrow! 

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God."  ~I John 4:7 NIV